


Worth More Than You Think

by Elvendara



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Adult theme, Angst, M/M, Master/Slave, Mystic Messenger - Freeform, NSFW, Rough Sex, Yooran, Yooran fanfic, mention of rape, mystic messenger fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-04-05 08:25:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14040192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvendara/pseuds/Elvendara
Summary: A single night can change your entire life. Will Yoosung survive meeting Saeran Choi?





	1. Saeran

**Author's Note:**

> This was born from a one shot written on Tumblr. Strap in, you're in for one hell of a roller coaster ride of Sex and Angst!

Yoosung slammed the shot back and grimaced as it burned down his throat. He’d lost count as to how many he’d drunk already, but it didn’t matter. He was having fun. It was his 21st birthday and the club was full of beautiful women who were actually saying yes when he asked them to dance. He grabbed one of his friend’s hands and dragged her to the dance floor. They bounced up and down to the synthetic music, waving their hands in the air. They laughed and bumped into each other.

“Woo!!!” he shouted, throwing his head back and closing his large amethyst eyes, letting the lights wash over him, the beat of the music pulsing against his skin. He ran his fingers through his sweat dampened blonde hair as he moved to the rhythm. He felt more alive than he had in years. They stumbled back towards their table and Yoosung suddenly felt a cold sweat descend upon him, leaving raised goosebumps in it’s wake. The feeling was odd, as if someone was watching him. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He turned and scanned the crowd. His eyes almost instantly fell on a man leaning against the far wall. He kept being obscured by swaying figures on the dance floor, but he was clearly staring at Yoosung.

It was difficult to make out much from the distance, but he was definitely a red head. There was a very attractive angle to his jaw. Yoosung blinked at that thought. They made eye contact and the man grinned. It made his body flush uncontrollably. Damn, he should probably slow down on the alcohol.

He was yanked back by his friend and they crashed onto the portioned off area they had rented for the night.

He waved away another round of shots and opted for some water. He was having fun, but he also wanted to remember the night. His friends, Mika, Akira, Soonye, and Flavio sat around him, keeping him entertained and pointing out girls he should ask to dance.

“That one! The raven-haired beauty! Go for it Yoosung, she’s been eyeing you all night.” Akira coaxed, pushing him towards the woman. Yoosung laughed and nodded giddily.

“Sure sure, ok, fine, but if she says no, I’m gonna’ kick your ass.” That sent the group into hysterics. “What’s so funny? I can kick your ass! Just watch me!” he took a playful swing at Akira and wound up twisting all the way around and falling backwards into him instead. They erupted in peals of laughter once more, Akira shoving Yoosung's slender body away from him.

“Come on guys! Let’s just all hit the dance floor!” Yoosung grabbed Mika’s arm with one hand and Soonye’s with the other, the other two followed, howling loudly. They tunneled through the crowd and found a spot to gyrate and bounce to the music.

The next song was more mellow, intended for slow dancing. Akira and Soonye paired up, but Yoosung decided to go sit down and catch his breath. There was a twinge of jealousy that ran through Yoosung as he watched his friends. He wished he had that intimacy with someone as well. 21 years. Today Yoosung was 21 and in all those years, he’d never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, never even come close.  Of course, he’d had opportunities, but it had never felt “right”. There was always something missing and he just couldn’t put his finger on what that could be. He was beginning to think there was something wrong with him, that he would never find anyone to spend his life with, that he would die alone. Such a morbid thought for a 21-year-old, but there it was.

Someone grabbed his arm and pulled him back, pressing themselves against him. Yoosung looked up and over his shoulder, the alcohol still making his head a little fuzzy, his body tingly. He stared into amber eyes under a fringe of red hair. The man’s hand moved to Yoosung’s waist and he began to sway their bodies slowly. There was something electric about that touch, making Yoosung’s breath catch in his throat. His fingers left a path of liquid heat across Yoosung’s skin, even through his clothes. Yoosung sighed, closed his eyes and leaned against the man, enjoying the new sensations he brought to his frame. Had he been completely sober, he might have questioned his body’s reaction, clicking the pieces of his lackluster love life into place.

Instead, he let his body override his head. Thought was nonexistent as the man’s hand ran up and down his thigh, circling around his waist once more. He was turned to face him and they glided across the dance floor, everything and everyone disappearing around them. The man was slightly taller than Yoosung, maybe just an inch. He was almost as slender but definatly with more muscle tone than Yoosung had ever possessed. He ran his hands up and down the man's arms, enjoying the feel of strength in them. He felt the man's hands caress the swell of his ass and a soft moan escaped his lips. His hands ran up the man’s arms and clasped behind his neck. He didn’t want this feeling to end.

They danced together, Yoosung losing sight of his friends, letting himself be led further and further away. The man leaned in and whispered into his ear. “Want to go get some air?” Yoosung nodded, not trusting his voice. The red-head grabbed his hand and they walked slowly towards the entrance. Once outside, Yoosung looked up at the sky and took several deep breathes. He hadn’t realized how stuffy it had actually been in the club. The music was muted, the base pulsing away. They began to walk into the parking lot, between a myriad of cars. Their clasped hands was comforting for Yoosung, he did not want to lose that tenuous link.

Once they were a good distance from the building, the music barely audible, the red-head pushed Yoosung against a car and pressed himself against him. One hand went around his waist, the other behind his neck. Yoosung blinked in confusion as he watched those bright amber eyes get closer. Everything slowed and intensified at the same time. He could see the small specks of gold in the man’s eyes, the impossibly long lashes as he blinked, and wondered what they would feel like on his skin. There was sweat at his hair line, some strands plastered to his forehead and his lips, his lips were parted, his tongue darting around behind his teeth. He was about to be kissed, and his heart began to pound. He closed his eyes and leaned into it.

Their lips met and Yoosung felt as if his body was melting. His knees gave out, the only thing holding him up was the man’s grip around his waist as he pressed him against the car. The kiss was wetter than he had expected, but he didn’t mind that at all. He gasped when he felt a tongue push through his lips, then completely gave in to the moment. He snaked his arms around the man’s shoulders and gripped him tight, tilting his head to better breathe through his nose. His temperature was rising, and he felt light headed. Had he not been clutching the man so tightly, he was likely to float away.

They made out against car after car, Yoosung losing himself, and any sense of time or decency. His hands groped at the man and thrilled at the feel of his hard cock between them. He heard a car door open peripherally, not even registering the implication.

“Get in.” the man ordered him. Yoosung looked behind him to see the back door of a car he hadn’t even realized they were making out against, open. He scuttled onto the back seat and pulled his legs up for the man to come in after him. He closed the door behind him and pushed Yoosung’s legs apart, so he could settle between them. His kisses were again hot and heavy, leaving Yoosung breathless. The man pushed his shirt up and began to kiss down his chest, nibbling at his skin. He sucked on his hard nipples and Yoosung whimpered. His cock was so hard, he was afraid it would tear through his jeans. He had a momentary fear that his pale fleshy body would turn the man off, but he seemed to be enjoying the feel of him. The thought was swept away as he felt soft and hard kisses against chest and abdomen. 

There was complete silence from the man, but Yoosung couldn’t help every moan and groan elicited by his mouth! He pressed his palms against the door window, his huffs fogging it up completely. His back arched as the red-head licked and sucked across his chest. He took a hard bite that electrified Yoosung’s body, making his cock twitch in a way he’d never felt before.

“Sorry…” he said.

“N..nn…no…I…that…yes!!” Yoosung couldn’t remember how to talk, but he wanted more, more of what had just happened. The man grinned at him as he pinched his nipple hard.

“Ahh!” Yoosung responded positively, his body felt as if it was on fire. The man pulled the shirt off Yoosung completely and kissed him again, grinding against him. He sucked on his tongue then pulled on it, biting it almost hard enough to draw blood. Yoosung clawed at the man’s back, trying to yank his shirt off as well, but he pushed away from him and shook his head.

“No.” he said simply. Yoosung whined once more, writhing beneath the man, needing release. He pressed his palm against his own erection, begging the man with his eyes to touch him. He grinned, running his gaze down Yoosung’s body and stopping at his crotch. He deftly moved Yoosung’s hand away, unbuttoned, and unzipped his pants, too slowly for Yoosung. His hips bucked, and his whining rose in pitch.

“If you’re a good boy, I’ll relieve your pain.” He offered seductively.

“Yes…yes…” Yoosung nodded desperately. “I…I want to be a good boy!” he almost screeched. The man laughed as he palmed Yoosung’s erection through his briefs.

“Hngh…” Yoosung arched his back, his hips rolling uncontrollably now. He clutched at the back seat, his nails digging ridges into the leather.

His cock was pulled free and slapped against his belly. “Damn…” the man licked his lips as he got his first good look at the impressive erection before him. Yoosung was thick and long. The head was already glistening with precum.

“Please…” Yoosung begged, sounding tortured.

“Please what?” the man looked him in the eyes, his desire clearly broadcast.

“Touch me…” there was a rattle deep in Yoosung’s throat.

The man looked back down at the cock, the balls neatly nestled within a patch of brown pubic hair. His eyebrows rose, clearly registering the fact that the drapes did not match the carpet. He ran his fingers through it, yanking periodically.

“Gah! Ahh!...Hnghhh….” Yoosung’s body twisted uncontrollably, his hands hitting the window once more in frustration. The man was enjoying the reaction, there was a sadistic gleam in his eyes. He kept teasing Yoosung in that way for several minutes, switching to licking and biting his nipples, or his neck. There would be bruises on his body in the morning, but that was not a current concern.

“Fuck! Please!” Yoosung pushed the man’s head down, needing that release.

He simply laughed but allowed himself to be shoved down to Yoosung’s crotch, where he finally ran his tongue against the shaft and flicked the opening, tasting Yoosung for the first time.

He hummed in satisfaction and Yoosung’s body stiffened at the anticipated touch. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to breathe, afraid the man would stop. He didn’t. He finally took him into his mouth and began to bob his head up and down. Yoosung felt as if he was going to pass out from how incredible it felt. He’d only ever masturbated, his own hand was the only thing to have ever touched him there, but this..this…oh god…THIS!!

Were he to die right here, right now, he would die happy and satisfied. His eyes rolled back in his head and he gasped when his chest finally forced him to breathe again. The man was sucking his cock! Sucking his cock! And it coiled something inside him. His core was strained. His orgasm was poised, just at the edge. It wouldn’t take long and he knew it. He didn’t want it to come, he wanted this feeling not to end, but he knew it was inevitable. He felt the man’s teeth scrape along his shaft, the tongue wet and wonderful as it flicked over his tip. The man reached up and pinched his nipple, the sharp pain sending him over the edge finally. Yoosung screamed, throwing his head back and pumping his hips into the man’s mouth as his cum shot through him.

His body fell back onto the seat and he gasped for air. It was too hot, he felt as if he would melt into the leather, sweat coated him as he tried to regain his senses.

The man’s weight fell on him and he was being kissed once more. The taste of his own cum came as a surprise, but not as unwelcome as he might once have thought. He felt the man reach down and undo his own pants before he sat back on his heels. Yoosung was still feeble from his climax, his limbs mostly unresponsive. The man yanked the pants off  Yoosung, along with his briefs. He wondered idly, when he’d lost his shoes, but that was quickly shoved to the side when the man pushed Yoosung’s legs up, wedging his feet against the roof of the car. He was caressing his ass, his thumb against his opening. Yoosung gasped once he realized what the man intended. His sphincter clenched, but the thumb was insistent, softly circling until he relaxed his muscles. Was he really about to let this man, this stranger, fuck him?

“Ww…wait…” he held out his hand to stop him. The man looked up at him, eyebrows arched.

“Don’t worry, I have a condom.” He grinned again. His voice was husky. Yoosung looked down at the cock in his hand, the head glistening, and he licked his own lips. His hand dropped, his mouth gaping as he watched, mesmerized by the hand slowly stroking the long shaft. He felt pressure at his opening, but he didn’t refuse it. He felt a digit slip in slowly and he moaned, throwing his head back, his neck straining. The man leaned over him and kissed the white flesh, then bit down hard on the sensitive skin. Yoosung bucked, his fingers digging into the red-heads curls. His muscles relaxed more and soon there were four digits fucking his asshole, pumping in and out, scissoring back and forth. There was another bite at his collar bone and fuck if Yoosung didn’t feel like he might cum again from those alone.

Too soon the man had sat back again, pulling something from his back pocket. He ripped it open with his teeth and Yoosung whimpered when he pulled his fingers out of him. He slid the condom on and leaned over Yoosung once more.

“Sorry I don’t have any lube, I’ll go slow, ok?” he asked. Yoosung nodded, ready for the pain, the anticipation was making his cock hard again. The man licked his fingers and rubbed the spit along his tip before pressing against Yoosung. They stared into each other’s eyes as he made his entry. Yoosung cried out but didn’t try to stop him. He kept his legs up and open, his ass in the air. “You ok?” The man asked, his eyes glazing over, his mouth drooling, dark brown freckles stark against his flushed skin. Yoosung had never seen anything sexier. He nodded and kept breathing. It hurt, but he said nothing, trying to keep his muscles relaxed. It wasn’t the same kind of pleasurable pain that came from the man’s bites, there was nothing pleasurable about it. His asshole wanted to push him out, wanted to constrict and close the opening.

There was more to this and Yoosung knew it. He would not regret letting this happen. He reached up and pulled the man down. Their lips met, and the man stopped as Yoosung kissed him slowly, his tongue exploring his mouth almost lazily. He resumed his press, the kiss deepening, Yoosung’s whimpers dissolving in his mouth until they were crotch to ass. He began to thrust, slowly at first, then faster, his breathing getting harsher and harsher. Yoosung fell back as something inside him blossomed. He felt euphoric, as if he was floating above himself. His cries were loud, his fingers digging into the man’s scalp. It didn’t take long for him to cum, Yoosung was so tight. He shuddered as the hot stream vacated his body.

“Jesus fuck!” he muttered as he lay his head on Yoosung’s chest.

“Was…was that good?” came Yoosung’s small voice.

All the man could do was nod, which made Yoosung glow with pride. They lay that way, the man still inside Yoosung, neither ready or willing to move.

The man suddenly sat up, letting his cock slip out of Yoosung. He took the condom and tied it off, dropping it on the floor of the car.

“We should probably go.” He smirked, buttoning himself back up.

“Can’t we just, lay here a bit?” Yoosung bit his lower lip, running his fingers up and down his bare chest, his body still tingled, and he didn’t want to lose the feeling. Besides, he wanted to keep touching this man.

“Probably shouldn’t, this isn’t my car.”

“What?” Yoosung sprang up, the man laughed and tossed him his underwear. Yoosung started to scramble getting his clothes on. “I thought this was your car! Oh my god!” he finished dressing quickly and pushed past the man to get out of the car. The man lazily stepped out, not even looking around.

Yoosung was quite sober now and the realization of what had just happened, and how in the open they had truly been finally hit him. He began to hyperventilate. He bent over, placing his hands on his knees, trying to get a grip.

“Come on!” the man grabbed his wrist and pulled him back towards the club. “We should get you back to your friends.”

“What, wait!” Yoosung stopped and the man turned to face him, letting him go. He stood there, the wind blowing his hair across his eyes. Those beautiful amber eyes that glowed like the sun. Yoosung’s heart skipped a beat, had that really just happened. Had he just lost his virginity to a stranger in the back seat of another stranger’s car? He began to laugh, the absurdity of it all crashing down on him. He leaned against the van he was standing next to, tears falling down his face.

“Are…are you crying? Uh…” the man looked around, uncomfortable.

“Sorry, I…it’s just…ahh…nevermind…god, I don’t even know your name!” he pushed his hair back, the coolness of the evenings wind drying the sweat in it rapidly.

“Oh.” The man reached around Yoosung and pulled the phone from his back pocket. He opened it and then turned it towards Yoosung.

“7920” Yoosung told him. The man looked at him bewildered, but keyed in the numbers to unlock the device. He pressed a lot of numbers then closed it with a click, giving it back to Yoosung. He yanked his own phone out from his back pocket. He opened it and smiled, turning the screen so Yoosung could see his own number across it. He must have dialed it from his phone. The man opened his camera and took a picture of Yoosung before he even knew it was happening.

“There, now I have your number too. I’ll call you, Beautiful!” he leaned in and kissed Yoosung once more. This man just left him weak at the knees. “You should get back to your friends.” He whispered, then turned and walked away. Yoosung wanted him to come back, but all he could do was stand there and watch as he made his way to a motorcycle and all too soon, he was gone. He looked at his phone, opened it and saw the newest entry to his contacts, one word…Saeran.


	2. Tears

“Knock it off!” Yoosung pushed Akira’s hand away from his hair. They’d been teasing him all day.

“Awe, is Yoosungie annoyed?” he laughed. Soonye shoved at the grey-eyed boy.

“Leave him alone. Haven’t you teased him enough today?” she shook her head and handed Yoosung his laptop back. “Can we get back to studying? Unlike you, I have to study for hours to pass!” The entire group was jealous of Akira’s ability to remember everything he read just once. He shrugged his shoulders and grabbed a handful of fries. He sat back down and ate them one by one.

They were at a local café at a large round table. They often met there, to study or just hang out. Yoosung was used to being the butt of their jokes. He rolled his eyes at Akira and opened his laptop again. Mika put her arm around him and squeezed him tight, kissing him on the cheek. His face flushed, but he was grateful for her comfort.

“You know we love you Yoosung.” Akira shoved gently at Yoosung with his sneakered foot.

“Yeah, yeah…” Yoosung pushed him away and flipped his phone open, it was ringing. His breath caught in his throat. A single word flashed across the screen. Saeran. He jumped off the chair, answering it as he walked onto the sidewalk.

“Hello?”

“Hey beautiful!” Came the voice from the other end.

Yoosung blushed and bit his lower lip.

“Sorry I haven’t called earlier, I was busy with some personal stuff. But, I’d sure love to see you again.”

“I’d like that too.” Yoosung agreed.

“Now?” Saeran asked, his voice dipping, as if unsure.

“I…well…I can’t right now, I’ve got plans.” Yoosung admitted, although he wanted to drop everything and run to the man.

“Oh, yeah, sure…whatever…bye then…” his tone had hardened and Yoosung was terrified that he was going to hang up and he would never call again.

“Wait! Don’t go! I, uh, um, you can pick me up here…I mean…if you still want…that is…” Yoosung stumbled over his words and he knew there was desperation in his voice.

“Sure, where are you?” Saeran’s voice was warm again.

“Dusung’s, it’s…”

“I know where it is, I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” He hung up without even saying goodbye.

Yoosung closed his phone and bounced on his toes. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking of Saeran for the past few weeks. He’d hovered over the call button several times, but he knew it would be better to let Saeran call him. And his patience had finally paid off. He ran back into the café and shoved his laptop into his book bag.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Flavio asked, his bushy eyebrows wrinkling questioningly.

“I’ve, uh, I gotta’ go, sorry. I’ll call you later ok?” he turned and practically ran back outside. He paced back and forth, checking his phone for the time constantly. He began to worry when after 30 minutes, Saeran still hadn’t arrived. Perhaps he had gone to the wrong place, should he call? He flipped his phone open, hovering over the button before closing it again. 20 more minutes, and still nothing. He hung his head and thought about just going back inside. But he would be too embarrassed at this point. He began to walk down the sidewalk instead, headed towards the bus stop that would take him home. He felt the tears fall and he wiped them away with the palm of his hand. Stupid. It was stupid to cry over a man.

He heard the rumble of a motorcycle and he resisted the urge to turn towards it. It slowed and shut off just behind him. He kept walking.

“Hey! Yoosung!” Saeran called. Yoosung squared his shoulders and ignored him. “Hold on!” he heard Saeran get off the bike and walk towards him rapidly. Yoosung tried to go faster, but Saeran easily caught up to him, standing in front of him, impeding his progress. “What’s going on? I thought you wanted to see me?” he ran his finger across Yoosung’s jaw. Damn it, that felt good, and looking into those eyes again, Yoosung just wanted to give in and wrap his arms around the man. He’d put eyeliner on and the smudged khol made him even more inviting. But he held firm, swiping his fingers away.

“Yes, an hour ago!” he growled, then stepped around the man. “I do have a life you know. I dropped my plans for you, and you stood me up!” he felt the tears threaten again, but he held them at bay. He would not let this man see him so weak.

He heard Saeran sigh, then he was wrapped in a tight embrace. “I’m sorry, you’re right, I’m an asshole, please forgive me.” He whispered into his ear, his lips so close it sent a shiver down his spine.

“I…Saeran…you…” he couldn’t find the words, nor the strength to stay mad.

“Ah, say my name again, I love the way it sounds from your lips.

“Saeran.” Yoosung said again, slowly, twisting his head around to meet Saeran’s lips. The kiss was soft and sweet, his tongue tasting like cigarette smoke. It was oddly enticing.

“Let me take you home, and make it up to you.” He grinned, his eyes flashing with desire and playfulness.

Yoosung relented and nodded. “Fine, but, don’t keep me waiting next time.” He chided.

“Yes sir!” Saeran clipped, handing Yoosung a helmet to wear when they were next to the bike again.

They mounted the bike and Saeran turned it on. Yoosung pointed which way to go and patted him on the shoulder when he needed to turn. On the left for a left turn, on the right for a right turn. Soon enough, they were parked in front of his building.

“This place looks like a dump.” Saeran said bluntly.

“Well, I can’t afford much.” Yoosung shrugged, suddenly embarrassed.

“I get it, university students are always broke.” He put his arm around Yoosung’s waist and winked at him. Yoosung let them into the building and they rode the elevator upstairs to his floor. He fumbled with the key and was finally able to insert it into the lock. Saeran stood by patiently.

“Nice place, very cozy.” Saeran said appreciatively. It even sounded as if he meant it. He took off his jacket and Yoosung hung it on the hooks on the back of his front door. He did the same with his hoodie, placing the book bag on the small kitchen counter. Saeran was behind him, his hands already under his shirt, his mouth on his neck. They backed up until Saeran hit the back of the sofa. He turned Yoosung and placed him against the sofa instead. He pulled him close and mashed their lips together once more. His tongue delved deep and Yoosung moaned loudly. His shirt was pulled up and over in a swift move. His pants were already unbuttoned before he even knew what was happening. Saeran shoved them down, along with his underwear. Yoosung kicked his shoes off. Saeran stepped on the pants and Yoosung lifted his legs out of them, wrapping them around Saeran’s waist.

“Bedroom?” Saeran asked, his voice heavy with desire.

“Dd…down the hall…” Yoosung informed. Saeran lifted Yoosung higher on his hips and carried him down the hall. He pushed against the first door.

“Bathroom! Next one…” Yoosung heaved, his mouth glued to Saeran’s neck. His body was already sweating in anticipation. Saeran crashed through the bedroom door and they fell onto the bed together. Yoosung was giggling and he saw a wide smile on Saeran’s face. It was beautiful. Their eyes met and suddenly Saeran appeared shy, his eyes falling away. He quickly recovered however, and the grin was back on. He nibbled on Yoosung’s ear, then down his neck and chest, arriving at his nipple. He licked the hard nub, running his tongue all around it. Yoosung arched his back, his hands lazily kneading Saeran’s shoulders. Saeran scraped his teeth against the nipple and Yoosung gasped, his hand flying to his mouth and biting down on it to muffle his exclamations.

“What are you doing?” Saeran asked.

“Neighbors…” Yoosung admitted sheepishly.

“Fuck the neighbors! I want to hear you, just like last time! It fucking turns me on!” Saeran admitted.

He bit Yoosung’s nipple and grasped his cock in his hand painfully.

“Hah! Hnghh!!!” Yoosung’s nails dug into the fabric of Saeran’s shirt and he scraped them across his skin, his head thrown back in ecstasy. He tried to yank Saeran’s shirt up and over his head but Saeran batted his hands away.

“No.” he said simply, just like in the car. Yoosung writhed on the bed, wanting desperately to touch Saeran’s skin. His hands tried again but Saeran growled and grabbed his wrists, pegging them to the mattress. “I said no!” he reiterated in his face, his eyes flashing.

“But…I…please!” Yoosung wrapped his legs around Saeran’s hips and tried to pull him down. Saeran didn’t budge. Instead, he pushed onto his knees and unlocked Yoosung’s legs, twisting him on the bed and yanking him up to his knees.

“No.” Saeran said again and Yoosung felt a sharp sting as he slapped his ass. He tried to get up on his hands, but Saeran shoved him down on his elbows, grasping at his hair and yanking. “Stay down!” he commanded. Yoosung did as he was told, his cock aroused and twitching. He lay his cheek on his pillow and he jumped when he felt Saeran’s tongue pressed against his opening. He pulled his cheeks apart and the tip of his tongue wiggled against his hole. The sensation was strangely pleasant, especially after the sting of the slap. He moaned and grasped the sheets.

“There you go, what a good boy you are Yoosung, moan for me, let me hear how good I make you feel.” He dug his nails into the soft flesh of Yoosung’s ass and dragged them down.

“Hah! Ahh! Fuck!” Yoosung blurted, his head filling with a soft buzzing noise. He felt Saeran’s tongue again and he pressed against it.

“You like this?” he asked, the grin on his face practically audible.

“Yes…ahhh…ff…yes…” Yoosung gasped, his chest heaving from the effort.

Saeran laughed softly, then pushed his finger against Yoosung’s opening gently.

“Hnghh….”

Saeran hummed to himself as he pulled a tube of lubricant from his pocket.

“I came prepared this time beautiful…” Yoosung didn’t know what he was talking about, and he didn’t care. He just knew he wanted more, he wanted all of Saeran. He felt something cold and slimy hit his ass, then felt Saeran wipe it around the opening. Saeran’s fingers slipped in easier and Yoosung sighed as his core once again blazed into a raging fire. “How’s that feel?” Saeran prompted.

“Soo…sooo…good!” Yoosung mewled. He grasped his cock and began to stroke himself softly to the rhythm of Saeran’s pumping fingers. Saeran ran his other hand up and down his spine, leaving a trail of dig marks. Yoosung began to feel euphoric, his head fuzzy in a good way. A very good way. Saeran took his fingers out, Yoosung whimpered and stopped his own stroking, he knew Saeran was getting ready to enter him. He heard the man unzip his pants and push them down. He wanted to turn around, to see some of his flesh, but he knew Saeran wouldn’t allow it, so he remained still and waited. He heard the wrapper being opened and knew he had slid a condom on again. He wondered what it would feel like without that on but said nothing. It was certainly safer for them both to use one. He was becoming impatient, he groaned and wiggled his ass for attention.

Saeran snickered, then leaned over and bit into the soft white flesh of Yoosung’s ass. Yoosung’s reaction was immediate, he jerked upwards and slammed into Saeran’s nose. Saeran laughed as he tried to shake the stars floating just out of eye sight. He grasped Yoosung’s hips and steadied himself.

“Someone’s impatient. What do you want? You want this?” Saeran’s rubbed his tip at his opening and Yoosung whined, shoving backwards into him.

“Yes! Please! Ahh…Saeran!!!”

“Damn, I love the way you say my name…say it again Beautiful…what do you want?” Saeran teased.

“Ss…ahhh…Saeran…ff…fuck me..” Yoosung gasped out, his chest constricting as his body burned with need.

Saeran pressed against him and the tip of his cock slid in easily, the rest took longer, but it was a lot less painful with the lube. Yoosung held his breath as he finally took in all of Saeran’s girth. His eyelids fluttered, his body shuddered, and he surrendered completely to the red-head once more. The euphoric feeling was back, Saeran hitting a spot that sent waves of pleasure through his body. He huffed harshly and his grip on the sheets became tighter. Saeran was thrusting too slowly and Yoosung tried to speed him up by rocking faster. Saeran snickered and slapped his ass again. The sting made Yoosung hiss and moan at the same time. He bit the pillow and gnawed on it in frustration.

Saeran caressed the swell of his ass then grabbed it, digging his nails into the flesh. He used it as leverage to thrust faster into Yoosung. Yoosung felt sweat sliding across his skin, then a sudden jerk of his hair as Saeran grabbed a chunk and pulled him to his knees. He was still fucking him as he reached around and stroked his cock. He pulled on the hair and nipped at his ear lobe. The combination of pleasure and pain was almost too much for him. He mewled, his body trembling at the attention. He reached behind him and grabbed onto Saeran's ass. Incredibly, Saeran did not protest, so Yoosung dug into the flesh, pushing and pulling to the same rhythm.

"Do you want to cum with me Beautiful?" Saeran whispered into his ear. His hand was gone from his hair and was now around his waist, his other hand pumping away gloriously.

"Yes..." Yoosung could barely breathe, let alone talk. It came out as more of a sharp whisper than anything. Saeran bit his shoulder sending spasms through Yoosung. His pleasure coming out in full throated acoustics. Saeran sucked on the bite and licked it with the tip of his tongue. The rough material of his shirt caused some sensitive friction between them. Yoosung lay his head back on Saeran's shoulder. His moans were getting louder.

"That's it Beautiful, cum for me, show me how much you love my touch. I want your cum all over my hand." Saeran continued to encourage Yoosung as his hand got tighter around his shaft. His thrusts were faster and harder as well, slamming into Yoosung's round ass with a loud slap. Yoosung felt something wet and warm slide down his clavicle, it took him a moment to realize Saeran was crying, but he was so close to the edge, the thought flittered away as soon as he'd captured it. His core was blazing, Saeran's cock hitting the right spot that sent shivers down his spine while simultaneously jerking him off. He could feel the blood flow increase to his cock.

"Hah...I...I'm cumming! Saeran! Don't...do..don't stop!" He exhaled painfully. Saeran stroked him faster, running his thumb over the tip, his own cock flashing in and out of Yoosung's ass. He scraped his teeth down Yoosung's shoulder and bit into the fleshy part of his bicep. It was enough to send Yoosung over the edge. The hot stream shot out and blanketed the bed. Saeran's hand was covered in it as he kept pumping him dry. He slid the hand around Yoosung and shoved him back on his hands and knees, still fucking him. His breathing was harsh and fast. Yoosung wrapped his fingers around his flaccid cock and kept stroking it as Saeran finished behind him. He could feel the warmth of his cum, even though he didn't feel the slickness. He groaned at the absence that had just been filling him up. Saeran slipped out and Yoosung felt him toss the condom onto the floor.

He fell on top of him and they lay there, heaving, trying to catch their breath. Saeran kissed Yoosung's shoulder blades and caressed his bruised skin.

"You ok?" He asked softly.

Yoosung nodded, unable to form any words.

"Your skin is so soft." Saeran grazed his flesh slightly with his lips and Yoosung felt his eyelashes as he blinked slowly. So that's what they felt like. Yoosung sighed and snuggled into his pillow, enjoying the ebbing of his orgasm and the warmth of Saeran.

Saeran moved Yoosung's hair away from his neck and kissed him gently. Yoosung was getting sleepy and he closed his eyes. He was suddenly cold as Saeran's body moved off him. He turned with a pout and watched the red-head button up his pants and put his shoes back on.

"Wait, are you leaving?" Yoosung asked, grabbing the sheet and covering himself.

"Yeah, sorry."

"I...I was hoping you could stay, maybe, even the whole night?" Yoosung knew he was sounding needy, but he couldn't help it.

"I can't." Saeran avoided looking at him directly. "I'll call you though." He leaned over Yoosung and captured his mouth for a final kiss. "I'll bring you something special next time. I promise. I think you'll love it." he winked salaciously and stood to leave.

"Oh, uh, ok then..." Yoosung sounded weak and he bit his lower lip to keep from sniffling. He didn't want Saeran to know he was about to cry. Once he heard the door close, he buried his face in the pillow again and let loose. Why did he feel used? Was this all Saeran wanted from him? And why wouldn't he get naked? What was he hiding? He remembered the instance during their encounter where he'd thought he felt tears falling from Saeran. He touched his collar bone and wondered if he had imagined it. He lifted his fingers and licked them, they tasted salty. He curled up in a fetal position, dragging the sheet up to his chin. He knew he should take a shower, get clean, but he didn't want to wash away Saeran's touch just yet. He let his tears fall, sobbing uncontrollably until he fell asleep.


	3. Delusions

"Yes?" Yoosung said into the intercom by his door.

"It's me, let me up." Saeran's voice crackled through.

"Oh, Ok...Saeran, listen..." Yoosung buzzed him in and there was silence at the other end. "Saeran? Saeran!" Damn, he was already on his way up, what was he going to do? He fidgeted, wringing his hands. There was a knock at the door not even a minute later, he must have run up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. The idea had Yoosung blushing, was he in that much of a hurry to see him? They hadn't spoken since the last time they were together and Yoosung had been afraid that he might actually never see the man again. He knew it was ridiculous, whatever Saeran said or did, he could feel how much he cared for him. Or was that his own heart's wishful thinking? He knew he was falling for the red-head. Knew it was much more than lust or desire. He wanted more from Saeran. But would Saeran be willing to give more? And if not, was Yoosung willing to settle for what he had now?

He cleared his throat and opened the door.

Saeran grinned at him, his amber eyes glinting at what was to come. He held a sparklingly wrapped box in his right hand by his thigh. "Hey beautiful!" He stepped in, his left hand grabbing Yoosung's shirt and began to lean in for a kiss. Yoosung put his palm against his chest and pushed the man back.

"Uh, Saeran, wait..." His eyes drifted towards his living room and Saeran followed his gaze. On the sofa sat an older version of Yoosung, and a woman with twinkling amethyst eyes. "My parents are here."

Saeran went ashen and took a step back.

"Saeran, this is my mom, and dad..." Yoosung spoke louder, trying to lead the man further into his apartment.

Yoosung's mother smiled at him warmly while his father only furrowed his brows.

"Uh, I...I have to go. Sorry Yoosung, but, I need to go...take care of something." He pushed the gift at Yoosung and turned hurriedly. He was out the door before Yoosung could even blink. He stared at the closed door and sighed. He should have known Saeran was not going to take that well. He had tried to tell him over the intercom, he should have told him first before letting him up. He couldn't deny that he was disappointed. His heart felt heavy and the tears sprang to his eyes again. He swallowed them.

"Yoosung, darling?" Yoosung turned towards his mother and tried to smile, hiding his own fears.

"Sweetheart, did that boy just try to kiss you?" She asked. Yoosung blushed and fidgeted with his feet.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about that." He admitted. She patted the sofa next to her and Yoosung sat. His father sat on his only armchair, his arms crossed. It was difficult to say if he disapproved.

"Talk to me." His mother encouraged, her soft eyes crinkling around the edges.

"I know it's sudden, but, I...I like him...I like him a lot. We've been seeing each other for the past few weeks, and well..." He shrugged, not sure what else to say. He waited patiently for a response.

His mother sighed and grasped his hand. He still clutched the gift Saeran had given him, unwilling to let it go.

"Sweetheart, are you sure he feels the same about you as you do about him?"

Yoosung jerked his head up, the large tears bubbling over, his bottom lip quivering. That was exactly his fear. That he cared more for Saeran than Saeran would ever care for him. His mother gathered him into her arms. "I don't want you to get hurt. I hope I'm wrong, but, the way he darted out of here makes me think I am not. Talk to him. You deserve someone who will love you and not just use you." She left so much unsaid, but it was clear that she knew they were in an intimate relationship. Yoosung felt guilt and shame, but she did not judge him. He couldn't love her more. He clung to her, too many conflicting thoughts tumbling around his head. He felt the warmth of his father's palm on his back, which made his sobs even louder, shaking his body.

* * *

 

He stood at his dresser, the gift sitting on it. Finally, he ripped the sparkling green wrapping paper and opened the box. Nestled inside was a thick leather collar. He pulled it out, the lining was soft fur, the outside was a deep hunter green. Printed in Purple letters was the word "BEAUTIFUL". He was confused, even more so when he saw a dark leash in the box as well. He stared at himself in the mirror and held up the collar. After a few seconds, he unbuckled it and put it around his neck.

It was comfortable enough. The lining making it feel soft and not constrictive. He yanked his shirt off and clicked the leash into place, wrapping the excess around his hand. He imagined Saeran's hand holding it and yanked. He gasped at the odd feeling, it was not in the least unpleasant. He lay on the bed and ran his fingers down his bare chest towards his crotch. Closing his eyes, he imagined Saeran above him, he jerked on the leash again and palmed his burgeoning erection. His moan was soft, and he bit his lip at the arousal he was feeling. Saeran ran his tongue down his sternum, stopping to give attention to his nipples. Yoosung pinched his nipple, imaging the wet tongue, the warm mouth, the sharp teeth. His erection was getting uncomfortable.

He slid his hand under his waistband and underwear, his fingers grazing his hard shaft.

He imagined Saeran grinning at him, that sly smirk on his face as he would make his way down Yoosung's chest. Yoosung pulled his erection from its confines and stroked his shaft. He ran his thumb over his tip and squeezed harder. His chest rose and fell, his mouth open, drool puddling at the edge. He licked his lips as he imagined Saeran's mouth close around his cock. He pulled on the leash again and arched his back as his hand sped up, his orgasm building hard and fast.

When it hit, he felt Saeran's teeth on his tip the imagined bite sending him over the edge. His cum burst out, hot and thick, his fingers becoming slick in seconds. He hummed as he rode the climax, mewling like a cat in heat.

His eyes sprang open as the orgasm washed away. Pleasuring himself no longer sufficed. The end was no longer satisfactory.  He wanted Saeran. Needed him in the way an addict needed a fix. He whined and writhed on the bed. He pulled some tissues from the box on his night stand and cleaned himself, tossing the soiled tissues on the floor. He grabbed his pillow and putt it over his head. He screamed into it, all of his frustration, all of his fears, all of his doubts. He would need to bring up his feelings to Saeran, he knew that, but he was not looking forward to it. Right now, however, all he wanted was to feel Saeran inside him.

He stood back up suddenly and grabbed his phone from the dresser. He checked himself in the mirror, messing up his blonde locks even more. He lay back down on the bed and wrapped the leash around his hand again, holding it out taught. He took several selfies, then chose the best one. He thought he looked sexy enough. He typed overlay text onto the image: Lost puppy needs a good master with a firm hand. He looked at it, finger hovering over the send button. What if someone else saw it? It would be mortifying! He deleted it and closed his phone, throwing himself back on the bed.

He played with his phone at his side, opening, closing, vacillating back and forth as to what to do next. Finally, he clicked on the image and redid the overlay and pushed the send button before he could second guess his decision. He tried not to think about what his mother would say about what he had just done. This wasn't about her, it was about him and Saeran. He waited impatiently. Several minutes later he saw that Saeran had viewed the text. He clutched at the phone, but never received an answering message from the man.

He lay back down and hugged his pillow to him, wrapping his body around it. There was a faint smell of cigarettes on it. He hated the smell, but it reminded him of Saeran, as there was always a whiff of it around him. He’d come to associate it with the man and it triggered arousal in him when he smelled it suddenly. He closed his eyes and concentrated on not weeping. He’d shed enough tears already. Was this Saeran’s way of punishing him? Did he think he’d ambushed him with his parents? But how would he have known Saeran was going to show up. He hadn’t called him beforehand. It wasn’t his fault. Sure, he would have been happy to introduce Saeran to them, but not without his consent.

He didn’t know how long he’d been laying there but decided he should at some point get up and get ready for bed. He might as well go to sleep, he wasn’t in the mood for anything else. He sat up and reached to unhook the leash from his collar when the door buzzer went off. He sprinted to the door and slammed his finger against the button.

“Yes?”

“You’re beautiful! You’re beautiful! You’re beautiful it’s true…” the song filtered through the crackling speaker.

“Saeran?” Yoosung grinned, the man’s singing voice was impressive.

“There must be an angel with a smile on her face…when she thought up that I should be with you…but it’s time to face the truth…I…will…never…be…with…” he trailed off and Yoosung felt a sting of tears at the sorrow in that voice. He thought he heard a hiccup, was Saeran crying? He buzzed him in and waited, checking the peep hole constantly. Finally, he saw a shaggy head of red hair appear and he opened the door before Saeran could even knock.

Saeran looked up and gave him a lopsided grin. He was unsteady on his feet and he wavered as he stepped into the apartment. His eyes were bloodshot, and he reeked of alcohol and smoke.

“Hey beautiful.” He slurred and tried to lean in for a kiss. Yoosung backed away and held him at arm’s length.

“You’re drunk!” he accused.

“Jus a lil’” Saeran giggled, holding his thumb and forefinger an inch apart in front of him. He swayed and caught himself before toppling over.

Yoosung sighed and slammed the door shut. Saeran was on him again, yanking on the leash to get his attention.

“You like your gif…?” he cackled, trying to kiss him. His lips sloppy and wet.

“No! You’re drunk! How did you get here? You didn’t drive did you?” Yoosung pushed him until he hit the back of the sofa.

“Naw…walked…” he moved his index and middle finger like legs and laughed at his antics, his shoulders rising and falling. “S’over the clum…cluv…you know…the bum bum bum!” he waved his fist above his head and air humped with his hips before dissolving into uncontrollable laughter. Yoosung didn’t know what to do with him. He’d never been in this situation.

He grabbed the leash and tried to pull Yoosung to him, but Yoosung unclipped it and let it fall. It dangled from Saeran’s hand and he stared at it, blinking slowly.

“Come on beauiful! Jus one smoocharoo?” Yoosung sighed, crossing his arms and glared at the man. “Wha??”

“Nothing.” Yoosung pouted.

Saeran rolled his eyes, “Spill it!” he spat.

Yoosung pursed his lips but decided to say it anyway, “You never call me by my name, why?”

“Is tha wass bothing you?” he opened his legs, leaning against the sofa, and pulled Yoosung between them. His hand was in his hair, pushing it away from his ear. His lips skimmed the sensitive cartilage. “Yoosung…Yoosung…Yoosung…you are as beauiful as da star you named affer.” And he sucked on his lobe for emphasis. His other hand trailed down his bare chest and palmed him through his jeans. Yoosung gasped and pushed away.

“I said no! You’re drunk! And that would mean more if you were sober!”

“So?” Saeran countered, holding himself steady on the sofa.

“So? Do you think I want a drunken, slobbering, ass all over me? Just, sit down, I’ll make some coffee!” Yoosung turned and walked into his small kitchenette, rattling things in frustration.

“Ugh! Fine, whaeva! Bu evn drunk I beh I coud make you scream!” Saeran snickered then let himself fall over the back of the sofa to land on the soft cushions. Yoosung sighed again and began to filter the coffee. While it was brewing he went back to Saeran.

“It’ll be a few minutes, the coffee is…” Saeran was fast asleep, the fringe of hair over his eyes, one arm thrown out over the side, the other flat on his belly. Yoosung couldn’t help but smile, he looked adorable. He swiped the hair from his forehead and a soft sigh escaped Saeran’s lips. He shifted to his side, bringing his outstretched arm under his head, the other up under his chin. It pulled his shirt up enough for Yoosung to see much of his abdomen. Yoosung’s eyes widened at the sight. There were several scars riddling his skin. Some were small, but some appeared to have been deep wounds. No wonder he never wanted to take his shirt off. Yoosung swallowed hard and looked at the man again. Did he think Yoosung wouldn’t like him if he saw how scarred he was? He reached out and ran his fingers across the puckered skin. Saeran inhaled but didn’t wake. Yoosung took his hand away, his chest constricting.

He pulled down Saeran’s shirt and went to get him a blanket from his room, covering him gently. He sat on the floor and just stared at him. What kind of story did he have? What horrors had he endured? He wanted to know. He wanted to know everything about him.

He stretched out his hand and grasped the one tucked under his chin, he held it firm, feeling the warmth emanating from his body.

Saeran mumbled in his sleep, then his body went rigid. There were tears falling from his eyes that he’d squeezed shut. He whimpered and curled into a fetal position. He began to tremble, as if he was in pain or afraid. Yoosung lifted to his knees and wrapped his arm around his back, making shushing noises, trying to calm him down. Saeran’s body began to relax, until he was once more sleeping peacefully. There was even a soft small smile on his lips. Yoosung wondered what the man had been dreaming about and glanced towards his abdomen. He brushed the hair from his eyes, his fingers lingering on Saeran’s face. He murmured softly to him. Words of love, encouragement, comfort, then leaned over and kissed his cheek. It was a little clammy. During the ordeal, Saeran had somehow clutched at Yoosung’s hand and now held it firmly in his, tucked against his chest.

Yoosung sat back down and tried to make himself comfortable, laying his head on the sofa, his other hand still stroking Saeran’s hair. He eventually fell asleep and had nightmares of his own.

* * *

 

Yoosung jerked awake and felt cold. He looked up. Saeran was untangling himself from the blanket, the early morning sun filtering in through the curtains. The red-head wasted no time in jumping off the sofa and heading to the door.

“Wait! You’re leaving?”

“I shouldn’t have stayed here. You should have woken me up.”

“What? Why? You needed to sleep.”

“This, this can’t happen again. Do you hear me?” he ran his hand through the tangled mess of hair and turned towards the door again.

“Wait!” Yoosung sprang to his feet and placed himself against the door.

“Yoosung, move.”

“Why? Why can’t you stay? Why WON’T you stay?” he asked, almost furious.

“Because I can’t give you what you want! Don’t you get that? You’re a great fuck Yoosung, but that’s all you are! Understand now? Don’t ever fucking let me fall asleep here again!” he pushed Yoosung away from the door and slammed it shut behind him.

Yoousng fell to the floor. His heart beating too fast. His lungs desperate for air. The sobs escaped his body and he wept. This was how all of their encounters were going to end. He knew that now. There were no more illusions. He was a great fuck, but that’s all he was.


	4. Dangerous

He kept the headphones on, it was an easy way to signal that he wanted to be alone. He also kept his head down, the well-worn hoodie pulled over it. The past few weeks he'd thrown himself into his studies, declining when his friends wanted him to go out with them, even dropping the study group completely. Sure, they were worried about him, but he mollified them with lies about being busy with a family issue that was too personal to talk about. They believed him and left him mostly alone.

He pushed thoughts of Saeran out of his head. He figured that was well and over with, one way or another. So what that he had feelings for the man. So what that he had been falling in love with him. So what that he still ached for him every single night. So what that he cried himself to sleep over it. Saeran hadn't even texted him once since the incident, let alone called him. He should move on, except, he couldn't. Never once had he considered contacting Saeran himself. He was too much of a coward. Saeran's words had hurt him to the core. The pain felt as if it would kill him as he lay on the floor. His body aching, his heart feeling like it was a bloody mess oozing out of him.

He took a deep breath and continued with his current assignment, tapping away on his laptop, explaining the anatomy of a dog and the differences from a cat. He would be starting clinicals next semester and he needed to pass this class with great grades if he wanted a shot at the best clinics. It was imperative that he clinch one of those coveted spots, it might eventually lead to a job there. He took a sip of his coffee, wincing at its bitter taste. They had brewed it too long.

There was a shadow that blocked out the sun briefly and he assumed the waitress was back to refill his coffee. He put his hand over the cup and was about to say 'no thanks' when he looked up. Saeran sat across from him, his head down, hands in his jacket pockets.

Yoosung's heart began to beat faster, unsure what was about to happen. "How did you find me?" He asked instead of what he really wanted to say.

"It wasn’t that hard Yoosung, you're pretty predictable." Saeran took his hands out of his pockets and placed his arms on the table, clasping his hands together, and leaned forward. When he finally looked at Yoosung, his amber eyes appeared tired and there were dark circles under them. His lips were parched, and his skin looked dry. The fringe of his hair looked greasy, as if he hadn't taken a shower in days. Yoosung wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him, but there was too much uncertainty between them. He resented the fact that it was Saeran who set the tension and the rules of their relationship, such as it was.

"I owe you an apology. You didn't deserve what I did or said. It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry Yoosung. Really, really sorry." He looked sorrowful, and even a little afraid.

"So, you didn't mean what you said?" Yoousng asked meekly.

Saeran sat back and sighed. "I meant it, I just shouldn't have said it the way I did."

"Then, all I am to you is a booty call?" Yoosung swallowed his tears and waited breathlessly for the inevitable answer.

"I like you Yoosung. I care about you. But if what you want is a relationship with me, that isn't going to happen. We aren't going to go on dates, we aren't going to meet each other's families, we aren't going to live happily ever after."

"Then, there's nothing left to talk about, because that's exactly what I want."

There was a heavy silence that descended on them. Saeran's hand curled into a fist and his jaw clenched.

"If that's how you feel. Then I guess this is it. I'll leave you alone, just...lose my number..." He waited for a reaction, but Yoosung gave him nothing. He finally stood and walked away, down the sidewalk away from the outdoor café. Yoosung could see his motorcycle parked further down the block. He didn't want him to go. But this was the best choice. Better to sever whatever this was now. Saeran would only break his heart over and over again. He had said so himself. He watched Saeran's receding back and before his mind could catch up to what his body was doing. He was up, slamming his laptop closed and shoving it into his bookbag. He ran after Saeran.

"Saeran! Wait!" Saeran turned around and Yoosung slammed into him. Saeran grunted, but held him gingerly, his hands hesitant.

Yoosung pulled him down and kissed him. He didn't want to let him go. He felt like an idiot, but, it wasn't as if Saeran was lying to him, stringing him along, he wanted to be with him. Wanted to keep seeing him, no matter how briefly, or trivial those meetings were.

"Take me home." He breathed once he came up for air. Saeran gripped him tight and swung him around with a laugh. They didn't waste any time with the bike. They were less than two blocks from Yoosung's apartment and they practically ran there. They began to make out in the elevator and it was terribly difficult for Yoosung not to shove Saeran's head down to his cock right there and then.

They stumbled to the door and Yoosung dropped the keys more than once. Saeran pressed him against the door and bit the back of his neck, reaching around to grasp his cock. Yoosung slammed his head against the door and it didn't even phase him. He shoved the key into the lock and they burst through. He barely managed to take the key out of the lock before Searan shut it loudly. He twirled and pinned Yoosung against the back of the door. The keys falling to the floor, along with his bookbag.

His body felt on fire, as if he’d been a starving man and Saeran was the first meal he’d had in years. His hands were everywhere, his mouth swollen with passion. Saeran yanked Yoosung’s hoodie over his head, taking his shirt with it. He kissed his neck, biting and sucking, pinching his nipple with one hand while unbuttoning his pants with the other.

Saeran fell to his knees and released Yoosung’s cock. He wasted no time in sliding his mouth over the stiff shaft. Yoosung pressed against the door, his breath fast and harsh. Saeran wrapped his hand around the base of Yoosung’s cock, pumping and twisting. He pushed down his pants and underwear below Yoosung’s ass and grasped his balls between the fingers of his other hand, squeezing hard enough to elicit a deep and primal whine from Yoosung.

Yoosung’s legs were beginning to lose strength, his body sliding down the door. The only thing holding him up was the power of Saeran’s mouth. There was no teasing. Saeran went at him hard and fast, and that's exactly how Yoosung came, hard and fast. His legs gave out and he fell to the floor, his cock sliding out of Saeran's mouth even as his cum still dribbled out. Saeran wiped at his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket, then took it off, throwing it on the floor. He flicked off his shoes and leaned over Yoosung, kissing him more gently, less desperately. Yoosung responded in kind. These kisses made him feel closer to Saeran than fucking him did. He briefly wondered why that was. The thought was blurred away as desire built inside him again.

"I've missed you." Saeran whispered as they sat, forehead to forehead.

"Missed my dick you mean." Yoosung teased.

"And your ass." Saeran chuckled. He ran his finger down Yoosung's jaw to his collar bone. "Where's your collar?" He asked.

"Bedroom." Yoosung gasped, as Saeran's nails bit into his flesh. Saeran sat back and yanked Yoosung's pants off, his shoes popping off, one getting wedged into a pant leg. He held out his hand for Yoosung, who took it and was yanked up. Saeran bent over and placed his shoulder against Yoosung's midsection and picked him up. Yoosung's head dangled by Saeran's ass and he yelped in surprise.

"Saeran!"

Saeran smacked Yoosung's ass and grinned, taking a bite of the soft flesh.

"Hey!" Yoosung squealed.

"Don't act like you don't like it!" Saeran retorted, smacking him again as he made his way into the bedroom. He saw the collar on the nightstand and set Yoosung down. He grabbed it and moved them towards the mirror above the dresser. He faced Yoosung towards it, standing behind him. They stared at each other through the reflection. Saeran set the leash on the dresser and clicked the collar into place around Yoosung's neck.

"You really are you know." He whispered. He grabbed the leash and snapped it on, wrapping it around his hand and holding it taught. Yoosung felt the pressure on his throat, his cock began to ache as his adrenaline fueled him.

"What?" Yoosung furrowed his brows.

"Beautiful."

Yoosung blushed and turned away, then locked eyes with Searan once more. "You don't say that to a guy." He countered.

"Why?"

"Because, it's what you say to girls." Yoosung groused.

"Yoosung..." Yoosung rarely heard this tone from Saeran, it was soft and sincere, loving even, he waited for what came next. "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I knew I wanted you the moment I set eyes on you. Needed you, like a drug, I had to have you. I thought you were with one of those girls at the club, when I realized you weren't, I decided I would stop at nothing to seduce you." He grinned, his hand moving down Yoosung's chest to his growing erection. Yoosung settled against the man and closed his eyes.

He turned towards him and whispered, "Hurt me."

 Saeran stepped back and jerked Yoosung with him. Yoosung gasped as he stumbled against Saeran, the collar digging into his skin. It was painful in the same way as being on the cusp of an orgasm was. Saeran bent him over and Yoosung slammed into the dresser. It made him slightly disoriented, but he kept his bearing enough to grab onto the cold, dark wood. His brush went spinning to the floor and the LOL figurines from the online game he was addicted to, tumbled over as Yoosung's head swept across the surface.

As before, he used lube to grease Yoosung's entry, but he shoved his fingers inside him forcefully enough that it made Yoosung gasp and dig into the wood with his nails. He heard the scrape and knew he was digging trenches into it but did not care. His bottom lip trembled as he squeezed his eyes shut. Suddenly his head was jerked back by the collar and his fingers flew to it, pulling it away slightly.

"Ice cream." Saeran hissed into his ear.

"Wh...uh...?"

"Our safe word. If it gets too much for you, or you want me to stop. Ice cream, say it!" He commanded.

"I...Ice...cream." Yoosung choked out.

"Good boy." Saeran caressed his ear with his lip and flicked his tongue towards him. The praise created a blossoming warmth inside Yoosung. Something he had never felt before. The combination of pleasure and pain was intoxicating. He felt a shot of shame at enjoying this kind of treatment, but it was quickly eclipsed by a surge of electric shock as Saeran shoved him back down and slapped his ass. He hissed, but the sting was deliciously arousing.

Saeran caressed the area he had just bruised, then pressed his tongue against it, licking up the curve of the butt cheek. Yoosung sighed and moaned, pushing his ass back against Saeran. The man kept pumping his fingers in and out of Yoosung, curling the tips and hitting Yoosung’s prostrate, making his toes curl. Drool dripped from Yoosung’s mouth and coated the surface of the dresser. “Hngh…hah…mmmm…”

Saeran bit his left butt cheek and sucked on the wound, his fingers flashing in and out of him faster. They were so slick, they slipped through easily. He exited Yoosung’s opening and Yoosung whined, his tongue licking his lips, lapping up the excess spit. He watched Saeran behind him through the mirror. The man lifted his shirt, clearly unaware that Yoosung was watching. He undid his pants and pulled himself out, but Yoosung’s eyes were glued to the scars now visible on Saeran’s abdomen. Too soon Saeran let go of his shirt to reach behind him and pull out a condom. He tore through the package and his gaze fell on Yoosung’s in the mirror. Amethyst eyes met amber ones and Yoosung saw him with his guard down for the first time. Saeran’s eyes widened and Yoosung thought he saw fear and confusion before the mask was back on, his eyes glinting mischievously.

“You want to watch?” he asked, his mouth turning up at the corners in a smirk. Yoosung nodded. Saeran yanked him up and licked his earlobe, holding on to his arm painfully. He dragged him to the bed and forced him onto it on his hands and knees. “Move up more.” He ordered. Yoosung did as he was told. “Can you see?” Yoosung turned his head and saw himself on the bed reflected in the mirror. Saeran stood behind him, the leash in one hand, his cock in the other. He nodded, unable to voice a single word.

He watched as Saeran slipped the condom on and pulled a small tube of lube from his front pocket, once he had coated his cock, he pressed it against Yoosung. Yoosung couldn’t stop watching, his eyes on Saeran’s cock as it slid slowly into him. Saeran made sure to keep his arm out of the way so he could have a good view. He grabbed onto his hips and began to thrust harder, his nails digging into his skin until there were pools of blood beneath them. Yoosung was mesmerized. Saeran was fucking him. A loud and long groan escaped his throat and Saeran increased his pace. Just as he had been with sucking Yoosung’s cock, this was going to be fast and furious. Yoosung gripped the sheet and fought the desire to close his eyes and just enjoy the feel of his body, Saeran’s cock filling him completely. He watched, he watched how Saeran’s blood filled dick slid in and out of him, watched Saeran’s mouth hang open, watched the sweat dripping from the man at his exertion, and watched as Saeran came inside him, the look on his face something he wanted to see over and over again.

Saeran leaned against him as his cock slid out, plopping against his leg, and still Yoosung watched. He wanted to reach around him and take hold of the man, but he decided against it. He was the puppy, Saeran was the master, he would do as he was told and be obedient. Finally Saeran tore off the condom, tied it and dropped it on the floor. He flipped Yoosung over.

“Lay your head on the pillow.” He commanded. Yoosung flipped himself around and lay on the bed correctly. Saeran climbed on and pushed Yoosung’s legs up over his thighs. He leaned over Yoosung and grabbed his cock in his hand, squeezing it tight. “Look at me.” He ordered. Yoosung did as he was told, his lips dry now, his asshole burning, but the feel of Saeran’s hand on his erect cock was like velvet. Saeran kissed him roughly, biting his tongue and lip. The copper taste of his blood was a surprise, he hissed and closed his eyes. Saeran yanked on the leash, pulling Yoosung’s head off the pillow.

“I said look at me.” He growled. Yoosung whimpered but quickly obeyed. “Good boy, that’s it Beautiful. I am your world and nothing else matters.” Yoosung nodded, reaching tentatively towards the man. He nodded slightly, so Yoosung lay his hands on his shoulders and ran them down his chest and around to his back. All the while, Saeran kept stroking him slowly. Saeran watched him, increasing his tempo, sliding his thumb over the tip, squeezing harder and harder. Yoosung’s breath was coming in sharp and fast, his chest blooming with internal pressure.

“Cum for me, let me watch you cum.” Yoosung’s legs trembled and his throat rattled. He bit his lower lip and wanted to throw his head back. He could feel the orgasm building, the building fire ready to be released. He held onto Saeran as the wave hit him, squirting cum onto his chest and chin, but he never broke his gaze, even as his body shivered with the aftershock of his climax. Saeran brought his hand up, covered in Yoosung’s cum and licked it off his fingers. As he stared into Yoosung’s eyes, he coated Yoosung’s mouth with his cum and leaned in for a wet, smoldering, tongue laced kiss. Yoosung clung to him, the shivers rocking his body still.

Saeran climbed off him and went to the bathroom, he came back with a warm, damp towel, which he used to clean Yoosung up.

Before he was done, Yoosung grabbed him and pulled him down on top of him. Their lips met and this time, Saeran’s kiss was softer, gentler, less desperate. When they pulled apart, Yoosung whispered. “I want to taste you.”

Saeran blinked in confusion before he answered. “You don’t have to do that.” His voice sounded smaller than Yoosung had ever heard, which made him want to do it even more.

“I want to. I want to taste you. Can I?” he begged, pleading with his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to take Saeran’s cock in his mouth right now. After a few seconds, when Yoosung thought he would be denied, Saeran nodded. He scooted off the bed and unzipped his pants, pushing them down under his ass. Yoosung followed him off the bed and knelt in front of him, licking his lips. His hands trembled as he reached for Saeran’s cock, he couldn’t believe he was about to touch it. It was warm in his hand, not completely hard, but certainly getting there. He licked it from the base to the tip and sucked on the precum that glistened on it already. He could feel the blood rushing through the shaft and it made his mouth water. He wasted no time in swallowing the hardened cock. He was afraid he might choke, but it wasn’t as bad as he thought it was going to be. In fact, the moan that escaped Saeran made him eager for more.

He squeezed Saeran’s balls the same way Saeran had done with his. He used his tongue and teeth as gently as he could while keeping suction as he moved his head up and down. He wanted to watch Saeran, but he didn’t think he would be able to contain himself and keep going like this if he did. He could feel the man coming undone, his legs beginning to shiver, his hands in his hair, yanking, and the primal groans he couldn’t hold back. It felt glorious. Was this how Saeran felt when he was sucking him and fucking him?

Saeran pushed him away, off his cock and Yoosung tried to crawl after him, his mouth open, his hand grasping empty air.

“Stop.” Saeran commanded, the leash was no longer in his hand, but Yoosung obeyed anyway. He wanted to continue, wanted to finish, but he waited. Saeran ran his hands through his hair and stared at Yoosung with a glazed look. Finally, he pushed his pants all the way down and stepped out of them. He stood in front of Yoosung, naked from the waist down. While there were some scars on his legs, it was nothing compared to the ones on his torso. Yoosung licked his lips, his heart feeling as if it would explode. Saeran had taken his pants off!

He walked to the bed and lay down, his legs spread wide. Without being told, Yoosung moved between his legs slowly, running his hands up Saeran’s thighs and squeezing gently. Saeran licked his lips, his eyes closed, arms above his head. His breathing was ragged and strained, but he said nothing.

Yoosung took him into his mouth again and picked up where he had left off. He kept one hand around the shaft, the other took advantage of Saeran’s near nakedness to explore as much as the man would let him. He felt when Saeran was close and suddenly, Saeran’s hands were in his hair, his hips thrusting upwards as he fucked Yoosung’s mouth. He gagged a few times, but regained control enough to keep the pressure around Saeran’s cock and flicking the tip with his tongue, the ridge with his teeth until he exploded in his mouth. Yoosung coughed, the hot stream ending as much on him as in him. He tried to swallow it all, like Saeran, but he failed. He was embarrassed, but proud that he had been able to accomplish what he’d wanted to. He leaned over and grabbed the towel to clean himself and Saeran up. Saeran’s chest heaved, his arms thrown wide, his eyes closed.

Yoosung lay on top of him and kissed his open mouth. There was little response from Saeran.

“Y…Yoosung…you…you’re…dangerous.” Saeran stuttered.

“What? Me?” Yoosung asked, stunned.

Saeran barely nodded, his eyes still closed. He licked his lips and his head fell sideways. “So, very…dangerous…” he whispered. Yoosung grinned, not sure why that made him feel good. He kissed Saeran’s cheek and Saeran hummed contentedly.

“Saeran?” Yoosung questioned.

“Hmm…” was the soft answer before there was slow and even breathing coming from the man. He’d fallen asleep. Yoosung worried his lower lip. The last time Saeran had been angry that Yoosung had let him fall asleep and stay there all night. He didn’t want to wake him. He looked so peaceful. He decided to let him sleep, he could always wake him later, it wasn’t that late. He pulled the covers over them and lay next to him, his head on his chest. Saeran’s arm came around his shoulders and held him close. It felt good, comfortable, easy. Yoosung promised himself that he would not fall asleep, that he just wanted to be close to Saeran. He broke his promise.


	5. Coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, forgot to post yesterday. More Sex, more angst....

Yoosung pulled his turtle neck up under his chin. It had been two weeks since his last encounter with Saeran, but the bruises were still there. He would often stand in front of the mirror and recall how every single mark on his body was made. A thrill ran through him even now. So far, he’d been able to hide his bruises from his friends, but he knew they were starting to get suspicious. Especially since he’d never really been a turtle neck guy.

They never questioned his sudden return into their social circle. Their eyes hid questions they wanted to ask yet could never bring themselves to voice. That suited Yoosung just fine. He had no answers he was willing to give.

“Your turn Yoosung.” Akira patted him on the back. Yoosung winced but stood and grabbed a bowling ball. He enjoyed bowling, it was nothing but a mathematical equation and he usually got a strike.

“Aaaannndddd…of course he gets a strike! Why did we invite him again?” Mika asked the group. They all laughed and teased Yoosung.

“Haha, very funny.” Yoosung fell onto his seat and took a sip of his soda. He missed hanging out with his friends, but he couldn’t help thinking about what it would be like to have Saeran here as well. He shook his head, that would never happen. He would stay his dirty little secret. He sighed heavily, fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie.

“You ok?” Flavio sat next to him, after having thrown two gutter balls.

“Uh, yeah, sure, just, you know, work load. I’m pretty pooped most days.” Yoosung lied.

“Uh huh.” Flavio narrowed his eyes at him but said nothing more, his eyes piercing through Yoosung.

“What?” Yoosung asked, shrugging his shoulders.

“What’s under that turtle neck?” he suddenly asked.

“What?” Yoosung sat up straighter, his hand flying to the fabric at his neck, shifting uncomfortably.

“Yeah, we’ve all been wondering about that.” Mika said. They stood in front of him, arms crossed, eyes pinning him to the cold plastic seat.

“Is there something wrong with wearing turtle necks?” Yoosung gulped, sweat breaking out across his forehead.

“No, but you’ve been acting really weird, and you’ve been pretty secretive about the past few months. It’s more than just a heavy class load. Spill Yoosung. I think we’ve given you plenty of time to come clean on your own.” Akira insisted, sitting on his other side, the girls standing before him, so he had no way to bolt.

He swallowed in desperations, clutching at his neck. He racked his brain for a good explanation of his actions since meeting Saeran. Clearly, his family issues excuse was not good enough. But his mind was blank. Suddenly Akira yanked his collar down and they all gasped. Yoosung pushed it back up and tried to stand but Akira and Flavio pulled him back down.

“Jesus Christ Yoosung, what the hell is that? Did someone hurt you? Who was it? I’ll kick their ass!” Soonye curled her small fists tightly, ready to do just that.

“No! It’s…it’s nothing like that!”

“Then what is it?” Soonye’s voice was calmer, but she still looked ready to punch someone.

“Look, it’s, well, kind of personal and I don’t think I should say anything, but trust me, nobody’s hurting me! I promise. Really!”

They all exchanged glances, worry still painted across their faces.

“Yoosung, you know you can tell us anything. We’re your friends, we care about you. It’s just, we’re worried is all.” Mika stated.

“I know. But you don’t have to be, if I was in trouble, I know you guys would help me, no matter what. So, put those fists of fury away, ok Soonye?” Yoosung smiled, trying to ease the tension.

“You’re not, hurting yourself, are you?” Soonye asked, her eyes somber and distressed.

“Oh god! No!” he stood and hugged the feisty brunette. “I would never do that, honest.” He was grateful for their friendship, and their worry, but he wished he was home right now so he didn’t have to keep this secret from them. Saeran would be angry if he said anything. And while he understood that what they had was not a real relationship, he couldn’t stop his addiction.

* * *

 

He fell onto the bed, still clothed. The rest of the night had been excruciating. It had been extremely difficult and stressful to try and stay energetic and cheerful. But he didn’t want any more questions about his bruises. He was exhausted. He groaned when the buzzer sounded. He briefly thought about ignoring it and just letting whoever was down there assume he was out. Hopefully they would leave. But when the buzzer went off again, he rolled off the bed and dragged himself to the intercom.

“Yes.” He grumbled.

“Hey Beautiful.” Yoosung was instantly awake, his body tingling. Part of him had been afraid he might not ever see Saeran again. The last time they had been together, Saeran had fallen asleep in his bed and Yoosung had not woken him. In the morning he had been gone without a trace. Yoosung wasn’t sure if that was better than him waking up and shouting at him again. But he was here now, and he didn’t sound angry.

He buzzed him in and waited. When the knock on the door came, he opened it hurriedly.

Saeran stood in the doorway and smiled at him softly. Yoosung wondered if he was drunk again, but no, he didn’t smell like alcohol. He did however, have a faint whiff of cannabis around him. Yoosung had never smoked weed, but he certainly didn’t judge Saeran for doing it.

“Hi.” He said.

“Hi.” Yoosung answered.

“Can I come in?” Saeran asked, which threw Yoosung, as he had never asked before.

“Yes, of course.” Saeran stepped in and closed the door behind him. His eyes traveled down Yoosung’s face to his neck, which showed the still unhealed bruises. Saeran stepped up to him and ran his finger down his jaw and to his neck.

“Does it hurt?” he asked.

“A little.” Yoosung admitted.

Saeran looked down and away.

“I’m sorry. I should really take care of you afterwards. I’m not a very good master I guess.” He huffed.

Yoosung smiled, leaning into his touch.

“I want to make it up to you. Can we try something new?” he asked, looking directly into Yoosung’s eyes.

“Sure.” Yoosung whispered.

“Just like that? You don’t even want to know what it is?” Saeran said incredulously with a smirk.

“I trust you.” Yoosung breathed.

“Ok then. Come on.” He took Yoosung’s hand and led him to the bedroom. He took his time and undressed him, touching him as little as possible. When he was naked, he pushed him onto the bed. “Scooch up.” He didn’t exactly order, but Yoosung did as he was told anyway. Saeran took his jacket off and pulled something out of one of the pockets before he set it on the dresser.

“Sit up for me.” Yoosung sat up and Saeran knelt on the bed, straddling him. He unfurled a blindfold that came from his back pocket and tied it over Yoosung’s eyes. Once he was done, he kissed him lightly, lingering deliciously, the taste of his tongue like ambrosia.

“Lay down.” Yoosung lay back and Saeran made sure his head was comfortable on a pillow. He took his right hand and Yoosung felt him tie it with something soft, maybe a silk scarf, or ribbon. He did the same with his left wrist, then his ankles. Yoosung gasped but didn’t protest. When he was done, Yoosung was tied to the four corners of his bed, his legs spread wide. It was a strange sensation. He was at Saeran’s complete mercy. It both thrilled him and terrified him. He tried to keep his breathing slow and steady and not overreact.

He heard Saeran at the foot of the bed. There was a rustling of clothes, then the mattress dipping under his weight as he crawled on it. He felt something fall at his side, then the cold presence of the lube as the tube rolled towards him. He felt Saeran’s legs as he straddled him. As Saeran sat on his crotch, he felt his cock hit his belly. Yoosung began to drool, licking his lips, trying to stay as calm as possible.

Saeran leaned over him and he was startled to realize that he didn’t feel the familiar fabric between them. Saeran was naked. Somehow, the idea that Saeran was now straddling him without a shirt on was more arousing than the fact that they were currently dick to dick. He sighed and hummed, his body beginning to writhe, trying to arch his back enough to feel his skin.

“I thought you’d like this.” Saeran’s whisper was right in his ear as he pressed their chests together. Yoosung pulled on his restraints, wanting desperately to get his hands on Saeran’s body. He heard Saeran chuckle. “Uh uh uh.” He teased. “This is all you get Beautiful, enjoy it while you can.” He kissed his neck gently. “I’m going to take really good care of you.” He lingered over the bruise he’d made with the collar and sucked slowly. Yoosung kept expecting pain that never came. He wasn’t sure how to even react.

He strained against the fabric tied to his extremities. His breathing intensified the further Saeran went down his chest until he was a mewling, writhing mess. He felt Saeran's hot breath on his crotch and he bucked beneath him.

"So eager, have you missed me that much? I would have thought with your enthusiasm and desire, you might have found someone else to...help you...on occasion." Saeran breathed, his fingers playing with the sensitive skin of his cock. Yoosung tossed his head back and forth. "Or...do you belong to me now?" He asked, his voice raspy. Yoosung was afraid to answer that question. Was admitting he only wanted Saeran the same as wishing they were in a real relationship? Would it send Saeran away? Or would it please him to know that when he wasn't there, Yoosung pinned for him? He kept his mouth shut and Saeran simply laughed. "Oh, I have ways of making you talk Beautiful. And you'll be screaming my name soon enough." His mouth consumed Yoosung's cock. It was the only word that conveyed what he did.

Yoousng arched his back, a scream already exiting his mouth. He felt the tip of his cock hit the back of Saeran's throat and the slick feel of the walls as it kept sliding through. Fuck!

"Hah! Ahh,  Sss..Saeran! Hngh....!!!" He strained against the ties, arms and legs jerking, his hips thrusting into Saeran's mouth. Saeran took him in, all the way to the base, his nose hitting Yoosung's pelvis. How was he doing that? His head bobbed up and down, his tongue pressing against his shaft and flicking his opening. The suction ebbed and flowed, keeping Yoosung on the edge. He felt as if he was going to explode. He wanted to dig his fingers into Saeran's hair, instead he made sure to keep the restraints biting against his skin. The pain enhanced the feeling of Saeran's mouth. Suddenly, he felt Saeran's thumb against his opening, circling it slowly. His breath began to hitch as his body stiffened in anticipation. Once the digit was pushed inside, Yoosung sighed and relaxed into it. His body vibrated, his muscles tense, ready for release, but Saeran had other plans.

He let Yoosung's cock slip out, it hit Yoosung's belly with a wet slap. Yoosung whined disappointedly, squirming in agitation.

"Not yet Beautiful." Saeran crawled up Yoosung's body, leaving a trail of electronic charges exploding across Yoosung's skin. The feel of Saeran's chest, flesh against flesh, was erotic and maddening. He pressed his lips against Yoosung's, his tongue slow and steady as it rolled around Yoosung's. He undulated above Yoosung, cock against cock, sliding against each other. Yoosung felt as if he was going to pass out from the contradictions Saeran was sending him. His wrists and ankles ached as the fabric bit into the flesh.

"Sae...Sss...Saeran..."

"Tell me what you want." Saeran whispered into his ear.

"Ahh, hngh...mmm...make me cum..." Yoosung begged, thrusting his hips against Saeran, rolling them suggestively. Saeran grinned and chuckled. With one last kiss, he quickly moved to comply with Yoosung's plea.

His mouth was swallowing Yoosung, his hands under his legs, grasping them for leverage. Saeran sucked and licked Yoosung's length, his head bobbing rapidly. Yoosung arched his back as much as his binds would allow. His cock slid down Saeran's throat, gliding against the walls. Yoosung jerked his body as he edged to his climax quickly. His body went rigid and he felt the rush of blood pumping through his cock as he came, shooting his load down Saeran's throat. He crashed back onto the mattress, his body limp and spent, drool tracking down the side of his mouth.

Saeran continued to suck on Yoosung's wilting cock gently, humming in contentment. It sent more intense shivers through Yoosung's body and he mewled deep in his throat.

Saeran finally let Yoosung’s cock drop and lay his head just above his groin and hummed satisfactorily. Yoosung tried to get his breath back. It felt good to have Saeran so close. He didn’t want to move, afraid that Saeran would get up and leave again. It was comforting and Yoosung allowed himself to fantasize that they were boyfriends, living together, sharing each other’s lives, and not just sex buddies. It was a short-lived fantasy, as Saeran finally moved off him and the bed. Yoosung sighed but said nothing. He heard rustling at the foot of the bed, then, Saeran was at his side, untying his restraints.

“Keep the blindfold on.” Saeran said, Yoosung could hear the grin on his face. He nodded, just glad that Saeran was still there. Once he was completely free, he sat up and waited. He felt the mattress dip as Saeran’s weight fell on it. He felt Saeran grasp his wrist.

“Come here.” Yoosung moved towards Saeran, straddling him in the center of the bed.  His arms wrapped over and around Saeran’s shoulders. Saeran held his hands on Yoosung’s hips. He had put his shirt back on but was still naked from the waist down. Yoosung twined his fingers into Saeran’s curls. He felt Saeran’s mouth on his neck, his kisses soft and pleasant. His entire demeanor was different from what Yoosung had become used to. He wasn’t demanding in the least, his touch was gentler and Yoosung felt drunk with it. His brain buzzed, Saeran’s fingertips sending electric shocks to it with conflicting information.

Saeran pushed him up onto his knees, then held his condom wrapped cock just below Yoosung’s opening. He grabbed the tube of lube that had been rolling around the bed and used it on his cock, then coated Yoosung’s opening. He tossed the tube aside when he was done.

“Take your time.” He whispered, as Yoosung sat down over his cock. He groaned and lay his forehead against Saeran’s shoulder, he worked his way down Saeran’s cock until they were crotch to butt, then he began to ride the hard cock slowly. Saeran’s hands were on his ass, clutching, his mouth catching bits of Yoosung’s flesh as he bobbed up and down on his lap.

“Hah…ahh…hnghhh…”

“Yoosung…” his name escaped Saeran’s lips and the sound made Yoosung mewl. He wasn’t thinking straight any longer, he wasn’t thinking at all.

“Ss..Ss..Saeran!” Yoousung almost screamed. “Hah…ahhh…” he slammed onto Saeran faster and faster. “I…ahh…Sss…Sae…ran…I…I…love you.” He breathed, out of his mind with the euphoria of just being with this man.

The change in Saeran’s actions was lost on Yoosung, the sudden coldness, the dangerous stillness, that simply melted in the wake of Yoosung’s heat. Lost, until Saeran’s hands grasped his underarms and threw him away from him then scrambled off the bed. Yoosung was confused, until he realized what he had just said, then he flushed, both in embarrassment and fear. He held his hand out to Saeran, as he tore the blindfold off.

“Saeran! Wait!”

“Shut up!” Saeran growled.

“I didn’t…I…please…” Yoosung flung himself off the bed as well and pulled on his underwear. Saeran was already fully dressed and storming out of the bedroom.

Yoosung ran after him and grabbed his arm.

“Listen…”

Saeran jerked around and shoved Yoosung away from him. “I said, shut the fuck up! Just, shut UP!” he hissed, his voice rising in ire. He stalked towards Yoosung, his eyes large and frightening. Yoosung backed up more, bringing his arms up as if to protect himself. “You stupid, pathetic piece of shit! You’re nothing to me! Nothing but a warm body and a hole to fuck!” he grabbed Yoosung’s arm and squeezed painfully.

“Saeran! That…that hurts…”

“Good, you like it when it hurts, don’t you?” Saeran grinned, his teeth gnashing together. Yoosung felt the tears spring to his eyes, but instead of the fear intensifying the way he thought it would, he only felt anger. He tore his arm out of Saeran’s grasp and pushed at his chest. Saeran, surprised, fell back, his eyes flaring.

“Fuck you Saeran! You’re the pathetic one! At least I’m not a coward!” he spat.

“Hah!” Saeran snarked, running a hand through his hair and turning away from Yoosung. He began to walk away. “It’s been nice knowing ya’ Yoosung.”

“Fine! Go! At least I can admit my feelings. At least I don’t bottle them up and deny them!”

“What is wrong with you? Do you have a death wish?” Saeran swung back around and glared at the shorter man. His hands were balled into fists and he was visibly shaking, his jaw clenched painfully.

Yoosung didn’t back up, he stood straight and squared his shoulders, he didn’t let the awareness of being almost naked dissolve any of his anger.

“You’re a coward Saeran! You can deny your feelings all you want, but I know, I know you love me. Go ahead, spew your bile at me, call me names, threaten me, it won’t change facts.” He stood his ground and had Saeran backing away from him.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Saeran hissed. “Keep lying to yourself if it makes you happy. If it means you don’t have to face the fact that you’re nothing but a fuck boy to me. I don’t love you, and I never will. I don’t need you.” His eyes were filled with unshed tears and Yoosung saw his lower lip quiver as he regurgitated the hateful words. But he was right, Saeran would never admit he cared for him, and the realization stabbed him to the core. He watched, paralyzed, as Saeran walked out of his apartment without another word.

He grabbed a lamp on the side table and threw it against the closed door screaming. “Coward!” then fell to his knees as the adrenaline finally washed away, leaving him limp, exhausted, and emotionally spent.


	6. Control

Fire, it felt like liquid fire flowing down his throat. He set the tumbler down and motioned for the bartender to give him another one. The music was loud and pulsing. When he had his new drink, he tossed it back too then turned to watch the dancers. A woman caught his eyes and she smiled at him. Yoosung was about to turn back around, but, what the hell, maybe he could forget about Saeran in a different way.

The blonde walked towards him, her red dress flowing around her curves. She held her hand out to him and he took it. Without a word, she led him to the dance floor. The music was fast, but she moved against him slowly, her breasts against his chest, her hands roaming his body. She leaned into him, her mouth on his neck. Yoosung responded, his own hands curving around her hips and pulling her close.

She smelled like lavender and roses. He recoiled slightly, missing the smell of smoke and cinnamon that surrounded Saeran. He pushed that thought away and tried to lose himself in something new. They danced for a long time until finally the woman pulled him towards the back of the club, she pushed him behind the giant floor speakers, away from prying eyes and pressed herself against him. His back was to the speaker and the vibrations infused his body. She slipped her hand between his legs as she leaned in for a kiss, pulling his head down. The taste of tequila was on her tongue and he sucked it desperately. He moaned into her mouth as she unzipped him and touched his hard cock.

She pulled away and fell to her knees, looking back up at him with blue eyes full of desire. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, tears springing unbidden to his eyes. Her hand was around his shaft and she began to stroke him. When he felt her mouth touch his tip he gasped and pushed her away. She fell on her ass and looked up at him stunned.

“What the hell?” she spat.

“Sorry, I…I can’t…I…” he zipped himself back up and ran away. The tears were falling freely now. Damn it. Damn that man. Why couldn’t he get him out of his head? He fled outside and didn’t stop until he was at the side of the building. He leaned over and threw up. All the alcohol he’d drunk coming back up. He heaved until there was nothing left. He leaned against the cool wall, trying to catch his breath.

Someone grabbed his arm, startled, Yoosung stood straight and yanked his arm away.

“Woah, sorry, I just wanted to make sure you were ok.” A tall man with dark hair stood in front of him. He wore a dark pink crop top and the tightest jeans Yoosung had ever seen.

“I…I’m fine, thanks.” Yoosung took a step and stumbled. The man caught him and held him up.

“Yeah, fine, let me help you at least.” The man started walking, Yoosung being pulled with him. He tried to disentangle himself, but the man’s grip was firm.

“No. Let…let me go…”

“It’s ok, come on.” He led Yoosung further into the dark alley. Yoosung didn’t feel good about the situation, but the alcohol and his queasy stomach made him feel fuzzy and weak. He kept trying to pull away but was only dragged further into the alley. Finally, the man pushed him against the wall face first and pressed himself against Yoosung’s back.

“Stop!” Yoosung tried to push away from the wall, but the man slammed his face back against it. He felt the wet slick of blood dribble from his split lip. The man held his arm against his back while his other hand fished around to unbutton Yoosung’s pants. “Please…don’t…”

“Don’t worry baby. It’ll be over soon. I promise I’ll make you feel good.” Yoosung’s pants were yanked down below his knees then he was pulled back enough for the man to bend him over. Yoosung fought, but he had very little strength behind his struggle.

He heard the man unzip his own pants and then the feel of his dick against his ass. He wasn’t even going to use a condom. Yoosung tried to stand up but the man grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked him sideways, he almost tripped over his pants, but the man held him upright. Yoosung was about to collapse and try to scuttle away when the man was suddenly just gone.

“You fucking piece of shit!” he heard. He bent over and grabbed his pants, yanking them back on. He sat on the ground, back to the wall and watched as Saeran slammed his fists into the man’s face over and over. He tried to fight back, swinging at the red-head, but he missed by a mile. Saeran grabbed his wrist and twisted the man’s arm behind his back. He squawked and screamed. Saeran dug his fingers into the man’s greasy hair and yanked hard then slammed his face into the wall throwing him to the ground. He lifted his leg and stomped on his face. The man was barely moving now, hardly lifting his arms to try and protect himself.

“You sick fuck! I’ll fucking kill you!” Saeran kicked his side, his steel toed motorcycle boots probably doing serious damage. Yoosung scrambled to his feet and grabbed at Saeran, trying to pull him away.

“Stop! Saeran! That’s enough! You’re going to kill him!”

“Good!” the man was sobbing on the ground in the fetal position, trying to protect as much of his body as he could.

Yoosung tugged on Saeran, “We have to go! Saeran!” Saeran threw one last kick at the man’s back then let Yoosung pull him away. They took off, Saeran leading Yoosung to his motorcycle. Without a word, he tossed Yoosung a helmet and they both got on the bike. Saeran reved up and they tore out of the parking lot. Yoosung’s heart was racing, with everything that had just happened, all he could think about was that he was touching Saeran again. He knew it wouldn’t last, so he clung to him while he could.

Saeran drove to his apartment and they rode up the elevator in silence. Yoosung was grateful for being saved, but he wasn’t sure what was happening now. Saeran looked pissed, and he wasn’t sure if he was still angry at the man he’d just beat up, or angry at Yoosung.

His hand shook so much, he couldn’t get the key in the lock. Saeran took it from him without a word and unlocked the door. He held it for Yoosung to walk in then stepped in himself, closing the door behind him. He hung the key on the hook by the door then turned and leaned against it, his eyes on Yoosung.

Yoosung’s body trembled, the full force of what had just happened finally descending on him.

“How could you be so stupid?” Saeran asked, his voice low and threatening.

“Wh…what???” Yoosung uttered, his eyes blinking slowly, incomprehensive.

Saeran pushed away from the door and stalked towards Yoosung.

“Stupid!” he screamed, “How could you be so stupid as to put yourself in that situation?! What the fuck would you have done if I hadn’t been there?!” he loomed over Yoosung, whose tears now fell down his face.

“Gotten raped.” He said, his lower lip quivering. His shoulders began to shake, and he collapsed, his knees no longer able to hold him up. He would have gotten raped. He would have gotten raped! The thought ping ponged around his head.

Saeran caught him before he hit the floor and lowered them both gently, holding Yoosung close. Yoosung clutched at Saeran’s shirt, his head buried against his chest, heaving in giant clumps of air.

Saeran rocks them, soothing Yoosung with his hands and his murmurs until the boy calms enough that his breathing is no longer labored.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Saeran says softly. He helps Yoosung to his feet and, with his arm around his rounded shoulders, leads him to the bathroom. He wipes his tears and his mouth, giving Yoosung his toothbrush so he could brush his teeth and get the taste of vomit out. Yoosung does so robotically, not meeting his own eyes in the mirror. Once done, Saeran moves them into the bedroom. He sits him on the edge of the bed and kneels to untie his shoes. Yoosung just watches him, numb. He then stood and had Yoosung lift his arms, so he could pull his shirt off.

“Lay down.” He whispered. Yoosung obeyed, scooting towards the center of his bed. Saeran unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Yoosung recoiled and pushed his hands away, his eyes wide and terrified.

“It’s ok, we don’t have to take them off if you don’t want.” Yoosung swallowed and pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Saeran sighed and pulled the covers over him. Yoosung felt him standing at the side of the bed in the darkened room. He shivered, but he wasn’t sure from what. He knew he was in shock but didn’t know what to do about it. His brain buzzed, and he just wanted it to be over. He heard Saeran turn and begin to walk out. He sat up ubruptly and reached out to him.

“Wait! Don’t go, please!” he begged, tears welling up in his eyes again. “I…I don’t want to be alone.” He pleaded, his eyes wide and haunted. Saeran sighed, looking towards the door, then back at Yoosung. Yoosung knew he was debating whether or not to stay. “Please.” His whisper was harsh and trembling. Saeran’s shoulders fell and he kicked off his shoes, removing his jacket and tossing it on the floor. He scooted under the blanket as Yoosung lay back down. He slipped his arm under Yoosung’s head and wrapped his other arm around his waist. Yoosung’s back pressed against his front.

Yoosung felt better, safer. He knew Saeran wouldn’t stay long, but, he just couldn’t be alone. He tried to close his eyes, but every time he did, he felt that man’s hands on him again, felt the cold stone of the building on his cheek. He jerked several times until Saeran turned him around to face him. He ran his finger across his jaw.

Yoosung stared into the amber eyes, everything else falling away. He needed warmth, he needed comfort, would Saeran give it to him. He leaned towards him and grazed their lips together.

Saeran pulled away, “Yoosung…what…”

“Please…” was all that Yoosung uttered. Saeran began to shake his head.

“No, it’s, no, we can’t, not now…” he tried to say, but Yoosung covered his mouth with his own, ramming his tongue down his throat. Saeran pushed him away again. “Stop! You don’t really want this.”

“Yes I do.” He climbed on top of Saeran and pressed down on his hips. He felt Saeran’s cock against his and began to grind it. Saeran closed his eyes and moaned, but his hands were still on Yoosung’s upper arms, holding him back.

“You…ahhh…don’t…fuck!” Saeran was weakening, Yoosung could tell. He didn’t want to think about the consequences, he just wanted to forget.

“Let me…”

Saeran opened his eyes, gazing into Yoosung’s darkened and blow out pupils.

“Let me fuck you…” Yoosung hissed, grinding even harder against the red-head. Saeran’s grip loosened and he gave Yoosung a slight nod.

It was all Yoosung needed.

He smashed their lips together, his fingers digging into Saeran’s hair, his nails scraping his scalp. Saeran grunted but didn’t stop him. Yoosung bit his lip and yanked on it. His own split lip throbbed, but, he put that out of his head. Saeran’s lip plopped out of his mouth and Yoosung slid down Saeran’s body and undid his pants in a hurry. He pulled them down, along with his underwear and tossed them aside. He stepped off the bed and took his own pants off, hopping on one foot and almost falling over before kicking them away. His cock bounced as he jumped back on the bed.

“Wait! The condom, and the lube! They’re in my pockets!” Saeran propped himself on his elbows and motioned with his chin towards his crumpled pair of jeans on the floor.

“Fuck.” Yoosung stumbled off the bed and bent over to pick up the jeans, shoving his hands into the pockets. He grabbed a condom, there were several in Saeran’s back pocket, and the lube in the front pocket. Was he always this prepared? He decided he didn’t want to know, especially if he was using it with other people.

He climbed back on the bed and set down the lube. He tried to open the condom wrapper, but his fingers wouldn’t work. He was becoming exhasperated, clenching his teeth and beginning to hyperventilate. Saeran put his hands over his and took the wrapper. He opened it and pulled the condom out. He fixed his gaze on Yoosung.

“Are you sure?” he asked, eyebrows arched.

“Yes.” Yoosung didn’t hesitate. Saeran sat up, face to face with Yoosung, who knelt between his legs. He reached down and stroked Yoosung’s shaft, running his thumb over the sensitive top. Yoosung’s lips parted, his eyes glazing over. He slipped the condom on and lay back down. He grabbed the lube and opened it, taking Yoosung’s hand and squeezing some onto the tips of his fingers.

“You know what to do.” He encouraged. Yoosung nodded and slid his fingers down Saeran’s crack until he found his entrance. He pressed against it and Saeran’s body jerked, his breathing intensifying. He slid his finger inside and pumped slowly. Saeran moaned, the muscles squeezing around Yoosung’s finger. He slipped another in, then another, until all four were pumping inside the man. Saeran pulled his knees up, opening up even more. Yoosung couldn’t stop watching his face. Saeran’s head was thrown back, his hands tugging at his hair, then moving to the sheet around him, clutching at it as his jaw dropped, his tongue darting in and out.

“Hngh…Yoosung….hahhh….”

Yoosung found his writhing body intoxicating. He couldn’t stand it any longer. He pulled his fingers out, wiping them on the sheet then squeezing more lube to coat his cock. Saeran’s ass fell back onto the bed. He whimpered and Yoosung found the sound extremely satisfactory. He grinned at the red head, enjoying this new power. He leaned over Saeran and pushed inside of him.

Saeran gasped, his legs pulling back, his head thrusting forward, his mouth open in a large O.

“Did I hurt you?” Yoosung stopped his momentum, not wanting to hurt Saeran.

“Nn..nn…no!” Saeran stuttered. “Don’t…don’t stop!” he pleaded. Yoosung continued until he was flush with Saeran, he let a soft sigh escape his lips, closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of Saeran around his cock. Saeran reached up and pulled him down, his fingers tattooing a gentle cadence along his spine. Their bodies undulated against each other as their tongues met once more. Yoosung thrust in and out of Saeran, his knees keeping Saeran’s thighs pushed back. Saeran was crushing him against his chest, his hands making their way down to Yoosung’s ass. He grabbed them and squeezed, using him for leverage as he arched against him. Yoosung broke the kiss and tried to catch his breath. He bit Saeran’s chest through his shirt and Saeran moaned, tossing his head back.

Yoosung fucked Saeran harder, faster, his cock gripped tighter than it had ever been. He never knew it could feel this way. He couldn’t tell if he liked it better than being fucked. He decided he liked it both ways. He pushed onto his knees and grabbed Saeran’s thighs, watching his cock slide in and out of Saeran’s ass. His chest felt constricted, his belly coiling, ready to strike him down with a massive orgasm.

“Ff…fuck…ahhh…hnghh…” Yoosung was almost purring as he came, his hot wet load streaming through him. His body shivered, breaking out into a cold sweat. His heart beat through his chest and he fell on Saeran as he lost all strength. Saeran wrapped his arms around the smaller man and held him close.

After a few minutes, Saeran pushed Yoosung onto his side. He just lay there, eyes closed, mouth dry. He left the bed and came back with a damp cloth. He cleaned Yoosung up, tossing the tied off condom into the waste basket. Yoosung had his eyes open, but they looked almost empty.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry.” He whispered, tears welling in his eyes once more.

“Shhh…shhhh…” Saeran lay next to him and pulled him into an embrace. Yoosung’s hand traveled down to Saeran’s cock and wrapped his fingers around it. Saeran pulled it away.

“No. Just, sleep. I’ll…I’ll stay with you as long as I can Yoosung. But…” Saeran’s voice trailed away. It sounded strained, as if he wished he could be anywhere but here but was somehow trapped.

“You don’t have to.” Yoosung said in a small voice.

“I know.” Saeran pulled the covers around them, dropping the tube of lube onto the floor. He tucked Yoosung’s head into the crook of his arm. Yoosung grasped Saeran’s shirt in his fist and threw his leg over both of Saeran’s. Tears continued to fall, even after he fell asleep, dampening the fabric. Yoosung prayed he could fall into oblivion, the closeness of Saeran is a comfort. His dreams are filled with pain and suffering, and all of it being done by Saeran.


	7. Crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No NSFW! Wow! I know right??? What??? Oh yeah, but, there's a lot of angst...........sooooooo, read at your own risk, don't say I didn't warn ya'!

Saeran almost jogged down the sidewalk. The cup carrier teetering enough that he finally slowed down. He held a bag of breakfast pastries in his other hand. He was hoping he could make it back to Yoosung’s apartment before he woke up. There was something wrapped around his chest that he’d never felt before. He wasn’t sure why he was doing what he was doing, but, he wanted to see where it led. There was a torrent of emotions roiling around him like a maelstrom and he felt as if he was being tossed along unmoored.

“You’re beautiful…you’re beautiful…you’re beautiful it’s true…” the notification surprised him, he’d never actually heard it before. His heart skipped a beat and a smile began to form on his face. He dropped the pastries on top of the coffee cups and reached for his phone. He unlocked it one handed, Yoosung’s face popping in briefly. His smile froze, his eyes darkening as he read the five-word sentence. He stopped in his tracks, trying to catch his breath. He swallowed and turned on his heels towards where he had parked his motorcycle the night before. Along the way, he dumped the coffee and the pastries in a garbage can, his phone in a death grip so tight, his knuckles were white.

He jumped on the bike, shoving his phone into his back pocket. He threw the helmet on and roared the motorcycle to life. He tore away, cutting off a car and weaving through the dense traffic. He tried to outrun the words, but they followed him, cutting away at him until he had to scream to release the building unfamiliar emotions.

He didn’t even remember getting home. He jumped off his bike and let it fall, running into the house without closing the garage door. He stormed into his bedroom and slammed the door closed. He leaned against the dresser, his hair a mess, his nails digging into the soft wood. He was trying desperately to hold himself together. He looked up and stared at the image reflected back at him. He hated himself. Hated the person he was. Hated his inability to be normal. Hated how he destroyed everything he touched. Slow, huge, silent tears trailed down his face, his lips trembling. And he snapped. He reared back his fist and slammed it into the offending image, the mirror shattered, the shards falling across the dresser and floor. Blood coated his fist, but he felt nothing now. He swiped everything off the dresser, then shoved it over, drawers opening, clothes tumbling out. He raged through his room, flipping the mattress off his bed, throwing a lamp against the wall, punching the wall, ripping his curtains down. Screaming and crying, losing control like he hadn’t done in years. Suddenly there were arms around him, his arms pinned against his body. He thrashed, teeth gnashing, spit flying as he tried to free himself. He was dragged down onto the floor, his brother holding him tight until all the anger drained out of his body and he collapsed in a loud sobbing mess.

Saeyoung held his brother, his arms loosening enough for Saeran to turn to him and grasp him. Saeran wanted to stop, but he couldn't. His hands throbbed as his physical awareness slowly came back to him. Saeyoung's shirt was splattered with blood but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He just wanted it to stop, wanted to be numb again. How did people live like this? The realization that he had caused this much, if not more, pain to Yoosung, had him suffering beyond reason, caving in on himself, trying to disappear.

"Shh, shh, here, take this." something was shoved against his clenched teeth. He opened his mouth and swallowed the pill, still clinging to his brother. It was somewhat comforting, but not by much. He didn't think he could ever feel anything more painful than what he had endured as a child, but he had been wrong.

The medication began to work, his body lost most of the tension and his sobs slowed enough that he could finally catch his breath. His chest still felt constricted, but he understood it was not a physical pain he was now feeling, but an emotional one. Saeyoung rocked them back and forth, much like he had when they were children, and that's exactly how he felt, like a child. He hiccupped and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his jacket. This is what it felt like when your heart was breaking. He didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit.

"Better?" Saeyoung asked him. Saeran simply shook his head. No, he didn't feel better, but, he was more in control. Saeyoung sighed and hugged him tight briefly, then pushed up onto his feet, dragging Saeran with him.

"Come on, let's look at that hand, and you can tell me what the hell just happened." He didn't scold, he wasn't angry, in fact, he sounded a little frightened. It had been years since Saeran had experienced an episode like this. He meekly stood and was led into his bathroom. Saeyoung sat him on the toilet and turned the water on in the sink. He grabbed a hand towel and drenched it, wringing it out before gently dabbing his brother's bloody hand. Saeran winced but didn't pull away.

"So, are you going to tell me what that was all about?" he asked, as he worked to bandage up the hand. There were medical kits throughout the house. It had become a necessity at one point because of Saeran, now, it was just a habit Saeyoung didn’t try to break.

Saeran shrugged. He was embarrassed to admit what he'd done, but Saeyoung was patient.

"I...I fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it!" he cried, his chest heaving again. He could feel another melt down approaching and he tried to catch his breath before he lost it again.

"Ok, ok...come on." Saeyoung took a hold of his bandaged hand and led him out of the room. He sat him down on the sofa and rummaged around in the kitchen. He handed Saeran a bowl of his favorite ice cream and sat facing him, legs crossed, with his own bowl.

"Take your time." he said, his usual sarcastic tone absent. Saeran scooped up some ice cream and shoved it in his mouth. The soft, creamy, sugary, cold substance instantly soothed him. It did nothing to the damage in his heart, but it calmed the rest of him enough that he could coherently speak again.

He took a deep breath and began.

"I...I met someone. And, I really like him, but, I...I...I didn't know!"

"Wait, you met someone? Who? Where? Why didn't I know about this?" Saeyoung set his bowl on the coffee table and leaned towards his brother.

Saeran rolled his eyes, "It's not like I don't meet people Saeyoung."

"But this is different." he stated.

Saeran paused, then nodded. He sighed heavily, "It was at the club, you know, the one on Daehak-ro?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he was there with some friends. Cute blonde haired college boy." Saeran grinned at the memory, he'd been hot for the guy the second he'd seen him. Sure, the feeling had been more powerful than anything he'd ever felt before, but, it was still a physical and sexual attraction. He remembered how Yoosung had felt in his arms, the strong desire to consume him completely. Taking him to the car and what happened in there. He could tell he was inexperienced and tried to be as gentle as he could, but he seemed to like it a little rougher, which thrilled Saeran like nothing ever had before. He'd been with other men and usually he was the aggressor. It was just sex. It meant nothing. Just another warm body to spend some time with. Yoosung had felt different, but, he'd pushed that aside, telling himself that there was no difference, he'd be just like everyone else and he'd forget about him as soon as he found the next warm body.

He'd given Yoosung his number and waited to hear from him, so he could ignore the calls and texts, watching the escalation and final realization that he was never going to answer. It had never happened. Yoosung hadn't reached out to him, not even once, and he'd found himself thinking of nothing else but that boy, and that night, and wanting to feel him again. He’d told himself that he just wanted to get laid and Yoosung would be an easy mark, so, he’d called, and wasn't disappointed.

And so he went back, it was easier than finding someone new, and he loved fucking him. There was something about Yoosung that stirred things in Saeran. He tried to deny it, tried to play it off as just another fuck, but deep down, he knew, he knew he had real feelings for him.

The night he'd fallen asleep on Yoosung's sofa, he'd woken up to the smell of the man next to him. To the soft feel of his hand in his. It had scared him, had terrified him, and he had taken that fear out on Yoosung. Exploded on him without provocation because he had liked it. He had liked that feeling that had been born in his chest, but he couldn't accept it, so he pushed it away and blamed Yoosung.

He had quickly regretted his outburst but had forced himself to keep with his assertions that Yoosung was just another fuck. A good one, but, replaceable.

The second time he’d fallen asleep at Yoosung’s he’d woken up in the middle of the night. The feel of Yoosung against his body had been comforting. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so well and without any nightmares. The smell of him was intoxicating and arousing. It was too comfortable. It lent itself to fantasies of having a relationship, one Saeran knew could never happen. He would find a way to fuck it up like everything else in his life. So he bolted again and decided to just pretend it hadn’t happened.

Then, Yoosung had made it intolerable. Everything had been going well. Yoosung had accepted their relationship for what it was. Until he uttered the words that made it impossible to continue to view what they had as nothing but a sexual relationship. “I love you.” It had come so easily to his lips. Unbidden, said in a moment of pure emotion. Saeran heard the truth behind the words and it infuriated him. He said some horrible things and Yoosung’s words echoed around in his head. He was a coward. He’d known it all along. His survival instinct was to cut off anyone who tried to get too close to him. He should have cut Yoosung loose long before.

When he flew through the door of the apartment he fell back onto it, his head slamming against it. Angry tears fell and he jerked when he heard and felt the crash of something thrown by Yoosung against the other side of the door. The word “Coward” jabbing him in the heart. Then he heard sobbing and knew he had broken Yoosung. He had been selfish, knowing the man had been falling in love with him, but not caring. Needing to be close to him, needing to feel something without accepting the inevitable consequences.

He spilled it all to his brother. Everything, even the things that he’d done that were deplorable. He didn’t try to make himself look good. He knew he was in the wrong. He knew he had screwed up. Saeyoung sucked in his breath in shock when Saeran told him about the night before and how Yoosung had almost been raped. He also told him about what happened afterwards. Saeran had never let anyone fuck him, he’d always been on top, setting the rules, dominating every encounter. It wasn’t as if guys hadn’t tried, but, he shut them down quickly. When Yoosung had asked, his first reaction was negative. But, he wanted to feel what it was like, he wanted to know what having Yoosung inside of him could mean. Could he truly be worthy of his love? Was it possible? And it had been better than he could ever have imagined. He’d opened himself up in that moment like he had never dared do before.

Morning had dawned and there was a smile on his face, Yoosung in his arms, and that tight feeling around his chest was gone. For the first few seconds, he'd forgotten this was not normal. This wasn't his life. Yoosung wasn't his boyfriend and just lived in the moment. He jumped out of bed and just stared at the man still asleep. He wanted this. He wanted to wake him up with kisses and caresses. He wanted that feeling to last. He turned and ran out, needing some fresh air. Not daring to keep thinking of things that couldn't be real. He had planned on getting on his bike and heading home, instead, he ducked into the coffee shop down the street and picked out several pastries, not sure what Yoosung would like. He'd ordered two coffees as well before he realized what he was doing. There was a lightness in his heart and he succumbed to it. At least, until Yoosung broke his heart.

He handed his brother his phone, open to Yoosung's text. Saeyoung took it and read the short sentence.

            _Yoosung: Last night was a mistake._

"Ouch." Saeran swallowed and tried to keep his tears in check so that he wouldn't lose it again.

His throat ached, the pressure inside his body felt as if it would explode out of him. In fact, he would welcome that in this moment, just to be rid of the pain he was suffering.

"What...what do I do?" he whispered.

Saeyoung shook his head. "You're asking the wrong person. I don't know anything about relationships. Fuck Saeran."

Saeran's shoulders shook. Saeyoung took the bowl from his hands and placed it next to his, along with Saeran's phone. He enfolded his brother into his arms again.

"We'll figure it out. I think you still have a chance. Love doesn't just disappear. He might be regretting last night, but, for the wrong reasons. If you truly care about him, I say fight for him. With everything you have Saeran. Don't give up on happiness. You deserve it."

"But do I really? After what I’ve put him through?"

"I'm not saying it's going to be easy. And yes, you've been an ass! But he still found something in you to love. That's saying a lot. He sounds like someone who can and will forgive you. You'll have to work hard for it though. Do you think you can do that?"

Saeran shook his head, “I…I don’t know! I want to! I desperately want to! But he’s right. Underneath it all, I’m just a coward. Too scared!" he pulled in on himself, trying to keep himself together, trying not to fall apart again.

Saeyoung punched him in the arm, hard.

“Ow!” Saeran rubbed the offended area and glared at his brother.

“Stop being such a pussy!”

Saeran’s jaw dropped, his eyes widening at the language. His brother was never so crass.

“By some unbelievable miracle you found someone that loves you! Truly loves you! I am not going to let you throw that away! We can do this! We can…I don’t know…research how to woo someone! I’m good at that! Researching I mean.” his eyes lit up and he grinned at his brother.

“You’re an idiot! This isn’t some stupid movie, or a Korean drama! ‘Woo’ him? What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know! But you can’t just give up so easily!”

“I don’t know Saeyoung, what if…what if he’ll never trust me again?”

Saeyoung shrugged, "You can't predict how he will react. The only thing you can control is yourself. With everything that's happened, he has a right to be suspicious of you and your promises. Don't you think?"

Saeran nodded without reluctance. "Yeah."

"Well then, you should get ready for a full-on assault!" Saeyoung grinned. "No matter how many times he shuts you down! You keep coming, show him that you mean what you say and that you're not going anywhere! Fight for him!"

Saeran rolled his eyes at his brother’s theatrics. He really did sound like a Korean drama, but, the corners of his mouth quirked upwards and he shook his head.  Should he make such a grand gesture to get Yoosung’s attention? To get him to give him another chance? What was he willing to do? What sacrifices was he willing to make? What pain was he willing to endure?

He recalled the clean scent of Yoosung’s shampoo. The slight lavender scent of his body wash. The deep amethyst color of his eyes with the pink flecks around the corner. He remembered the feel of waking up with Yoosung in his arms, the comfort it gave him and the warmth it brought to him like nothing else ever had. His most peaceful and happy moments had all been with Yoosung. He knew it would be painful, but Saeyoung was right. He couldn’t just give up on the best thing to ever happen to him. The best thing that would ever happen to him. If he wanted to win Yoosung back, he was going to have to woo him.


	8. Depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! An update, sorry this one took so long, I changed it several times and I think I'm mostly happy with it! I've hit a bit of a dry spell and am taking FOREVER to write. Bear with me! And keep reading, I swear, things are coming to a head and there will be resolution....one way or the other =)

He was bleary eyed, they were puffy with how much crying he’d done. The shower had helped, but now he stood, staring at himself in the mirror. When he’d woken, Saeran had been long gone. He couldn’t even bring himself to care. It was what Saeran would always do.

He’d taken his phone out and sent a text to the man. A single sentence.

_Yoosung: Last night was a mistake._

It hadn’t even been as difficult as he thought it would be. The finality of it hadn’t hit him until he was in the shower, the roar of a motorcycle coming to life in the distance sending a shiver down his spine. If he thought his tears had run dry, he had been wrong. He knew he’d made the right decision, now, he just had to stick to it. But he knew he couldn’t do it alone. He’d contacted Soonye and asked if he could come over to her place and get a hold of the others.

It was time to let them know what was going on. After the night he’d had, he needed help.

He looked away from the mirror in disgust. How could he have let things get this bad? How could he have let himself be used? He dressed quickly, becoming angry. Not at Saeran, but at himself. Saeran had always told him his intentions, and whatever Yoosung had believed, that Saeran truly cared for him but didn’t want to admit it, didn’t matter.

He dressed and headed to Soonye’s before he could wallow in his misery any more.

* * *

 

_He watched the man’s face as he entered him. The surreal nature of the entire situation creating a strange sensation within him. There was some fear, but mostly, excitement and hunger. This wasn’t how he assumed he would lose his virginity. But he couldn’t imagine it any other way now. He still felt the effects of the alcohol, that buzz that swirled behind his eyes. He closed his eyes and fell into that feeling as the man’s cock filled him._

* * *

 

_Saeran…Saeran…Saeran…the name ran around his head. His eyes were closed, his mouth hanging open, spit glistening on his bottom lip. Yoosung tried to etch every detail of Saeran’s face into his brain, taking a mental picture so he could recall it over and over. His eyes traveled down Saeran’s body, the t-shirt hiding him away. He moaned, dissatisfied that he couldn’t see every inch of the man. He saw the shaft of his cock as he pumped in and out of him. It felt so fucking good, like his insides were being liquified and set on fire._

* * *

 

_The water washed over him and down his body. His hands caressing himself the way he remembered Saeran doing it. He used his fingernails and scrapped his belly, a soft moan escaping his lips. He conjured Saeran’s image in his head and imagined he was in the shower as well. He reached his erect cock and began to stroke it, swirling his thumb around the opening, teasing, just like Saeran did. He fell back onto the cold tiles, the water falling past him now. It didn’t matter. Saeran took hold of him, squeezing his shaft and pumping hard._

* * *

 

_The feel of him in his mouth was velvety and slick. He used his tongue and licked up the shaft. The reddish pubic hair tickled his nose and he couldn’t believe he actually had to concentrate on not sneezing. It was rather funny. Saeran tugged at his hair and thrust his hips into Yoosung. The groan that escaped the man’s throat was evocative. It stirred Yoosung’s cock again. He hummed pleasurably around the shaft and only slightly gagged when the tip hit the back of his throat. He didn’t mind, he loved it. He was giving Saeran a blow job! He was satisfying the man with his mouth! The heat in his chest burst, the wave raising the hair all over his body, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. The feel of Saeran beneath him was like an answer to a prayer._

* * *

 

_Chest to chest. He strained in his restraints, wanting, needing, to feel as much of Saeran as he could. He agonized at the fact that he couldn’t use his fingers, to trace Saeran’s musles, his collar bone, play with his belly button like Saeran sometimes did with his. He mewled, twisting his body this way and that, desperate for every inch of flesh. One thing was clear, Saeran’s skin was not all smooth. There were scars, the few he’d seen had looked like deep wounds, was it any wonder he hid more. Yoosung didn’t care. He wanted to run his fingers across those scars, whatever they meant. He wanted to touch this man, to know him. His body arched and he spasmed as he heard and felt the rumble of Saeran’s laugh._

* * *

 

_He curled in on himself, hugging the pillow close. Tears had already saturated it enough to make it uncomfortable to lay on. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He hurt. Why had no one told him love could hurt like this? He didn’t want to be in love. He wanted to go back, go back to when he was still innocent, to when he still believed in true love and romance. Back to when he was sure he would meet the woman of his dreams and they would live happily ever after! He wanted to hate Saeran for doing this to him, but how could he? He’d been warned, and he hadn’t listened, now he was paying the price. His chest constricted, and he gasped. It felt as if someone had reached into his chest, clasped his heart and squeezed it until it burst, then yanked it out, threw it on the ground and stepped on it for good measure. It was now nothing but a blood stain on the ground, it’s beating stopped forever._

* * *

 

_The creamy flesh under his fingers positively shone, blinding him. He didn’t want to think, he knew this was a mistake, but it didn’t matter. He needed to feel something else, something more, something that would obliterate the memory of this night completely. Saeran arched his back, a look on his face Yoosung had never seen before. He wondered briefly if Saeran would allow him to shove his shirt up, he thought he might be able to get away with it, but he didn’t dare. That small chance Saeran would balk and run away again was too terrifying. Instead he focused on what he was doing. He was transfixed by the sight of his own cock entering and exiting Saeran. It was mind blowing. If only he could stay in this moment, hovering over an orgasm, pleasuring the only person he’d ever loved. He felt the sting of tears and he shoved that thought away, concentrating on nothing but the pleasure of the flesh. He dug his fingers into Saeran’s thighs and brutally fucked him, the noises coming from the man spurring him on, faster, harsher, so much so that the trail of tears over his cheeks became unimportant._

* * *

 

He sat up, a scream locked away in his throat. The bed was a mess, the sheet wrapped around him as if he’d tossed and turned continually. He disentangled himself and padded towards the bathroom. Splashing cold water on his face he tried to catch his breath. His chest felt constricted, as if his lungs were only doing half their job. He was afraid to look at himself, he knew what he would see. Bags under his eyes, eyes as red as Saeran’s hair. He gulped at that thought, a sob escaping his mouth. His breath hitched and before he knew it, he was on his knees, retching into the toilet.

If only this was a one-time occurrence, unfortunately, it was fast becoming his normal routine. He’d hoped that coming clean to his friends would help him move on faster. He’d been wrong. They were sympathetic, Soonye had even stayed with him for almost a week. That had turned out to be a good idea because suddenly, Saeran had begun to bombard him with phone calls, texts, and gifts. In the beginning, Soonye had just taken his phone from him and muted it, deleting Saeran’s number all together. When she had brought up blocking him Yoosung had balked. He wasn’t ready to let go completely, besides, he thought it would be better for him if he saw exactly how little he meant to Saeran. He just knew, Saeran would get bored and stop trying to contact him. That would be the end finally. The last certainty of just how little he cared for Yoosung. At least, that’s what he told himself. Inside he knew he still yearned to be with him. Still wanted even that small connection.

He scrambled to his feet once more and brushed his teeth, he didn’t even bother to put the cap back on the toothpaste, he would be doing the same thing at least once more during the night. Memories haunted him, followed him down into sleep and taunted him. He had almost lost his internship because of it. If he hadn’t been such a fantastic student before this emotional upheaval, he wouldn’t have been given the benefit of the doubt about his studies.  

He was beginning his first clinicals in less than a week and he had to get it together! His friends had first tried to set him up with other people, that had been a disaster! They’d soon enough realized it was a mistake. After all, it wasn’t as if he could just forget about someone he was in love with. He supposed they might have thought he was just infatuated with Saeran, since he’d never shown any interest in men before. That it had only been a physical attraction that would fade away. The series of events certainly gave credence to that. Yoosung had never been the type to just jump into bed with a stranger. Hell, they all knew he’d never kissed anyone before too. They had to finally admit however, that what Yoosung was feeling, was real love. Things for him would have been easier had it truly been only infatuation. He might have been able to move on faster.

Saeran hadn’t made things easy on that front. There had been a bouquet of flowers at his doorstep when he’d gotten home the next day. He wondered how the man had even gotten into the building, although, he supposed it wasn’t too difficult. Residents had seen him there often enough to believe he might belong. There was a card in the bouquet with his name on it, when he’d opened it the printed words simply stated:

We need to talk.

Saeran

He’d ground his teeth and walked into his apartment and swiftly tossed the entire thing into the garbage. He’d flung himself onto the sofa and fumed. After a few minutes, he got up and pulled the bouquet out. No sense in wasting a perfectly good center piece. It was rather lovely. The sunflowers were huge and the greenery around them were perfectly placed. He’d called Soonye because he felt like he was softening, and he needed to get through it. But that bouquet was nothing to the barrage that followed. He had become overwhelmed, so much so that Akira had taken to walking home with him and going upstairs before Yoosung to get rid of anything that might have been left there by Saeran. There were times when Yoosung would swear he could smell the faint whiff of smoke. The same kind that lingered around Saeran.

His body still ached for the man and he hated himself for being so weak. If Saeran appeared right here, right now, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to deny him anything. He sighed as he crawled back into bed. Tomorrow was a full day of classes and he really needed to get some sleep. He closed his eyes again and shuttered as a pair of amber orbs met him in the darkness. He whined uncontrollably, his body shaking with new sobs. _Damn it! Why was this so hard?_

His eyes sprang open, he flipped onto his back and stared at the ceiling. This bed, it must be this bed. He should get rid of it and buy a new one. He chuckled as he rubbed his eyes with thumb and forefinger. Everything in the apartment reminded him of Saeran. He’d have to move completely, and even then, he wasn’t sure it would be enough. He pulled the sheet up to his chin and let the thoughts of Saeran filter through his mind.

He sighed heavily, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that he would always love Saeran. Maybe he was doing things wrong. Maybe he should allow himself to still love Saeran instead of trying to forget him. He closed his eyes again and let the man’s image come to him and accept it. A small smile bloomed on his face as he snuggled deeper into the pillow, his body relaxing, his muscles losing all their tension.

* * *

 

He scrolled through the messages again. He knew he shouldn’t. The last few days had been easier, and he thought he could handle it. Had Saeran assaulted him like this a few weeks ago, he would have gladly accepted him. Accepted the flowers, the gifts, the apologies. It was too late now, and he just couldn’t bring himself to forgive the man, let alone give him another chance. All Saeran wanted was to string him along and have someone ready, willing, and able to be a booty call. A low throated growl escaped his throat and surprised him. This wasn’t like him. He wasn’t the type to get this angry. But Saeran seemed to bring out the worst in him. He missed him! God did he miss him! He wiped the now familiar tears that coated his cheeks. He flipped his phone closed and shoved it into his back pocket. Today was going to be a good day and he was not going to spend it thinking about Saeran! No sir! Not one little bit!

That lasted as long as it took for him to get to the bus stop. Once on the bus, his phone buzzed again. Another text from Saeran. Yoosung’s heart sank. He lay his forehead against the chilled glass and closed his eyes. He was never going to forget Saeran. Never going to stop loving him. Never going to find anyone to make him feel the way the red-head did. Never going to be happy again. He didn’t even bother to wipe the tears, he let them fall, unsure about his future. _One step forward, five steps back,_ he thought, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. The pain was still too real, too new, too raw. He clutched at his chest and tried to stop it from ripping through his ribcage. He knew he was making a spectacle of himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to care what strangers thought of him.

His phone vibrated again, and he let loose with the laugh trapped in his esophagus. He really wasn’t letting up. Maybe…NO…he silenced his phone and tried desperately to ignore it. Saeran was too late. Too late. Too late. Too fucking late!


	9. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again! I redid this chapter too many times. It just wasn't going in the right direction. I deviated from the oneshot on Tumblr significantly, but, it had to be done. Anyway, I'm thinking of ending it here. Let me know if you want more, or if this is a good ending! =) Comments are always welcomed and screeched over ....

He was exhausted! His eyes were bleary, and he hoped he’d taken good enough notes because he remembered nothing from any of his classes. Nothing except the constant vibration of his phone as Saeran continued to call.

He trudged through the streets, his route home automatic, as he neared his apartment he saw that damned shade of red. Saeran leaned against the building, a cigarette in his mouth. He wasn’t looking towards him, instead, he stared at the ground, shuffling his feet nervously.

Yoosung sighed, his shoulders sagging, he really didn’t think he had the energy to deal with the man. Even so, he still felt that familiar thrill run through him. It had been over a month and Saeran had not lessened his attempts to contact Yoosung. Maybe? No, he shook his head, he couldn’t weaken now, not after all this time.

Saeran pushed away from the door and dropped the cigarette by his feet, stepping on it and grinding it to put it out. He eyed Yoosung as he approached the entrance. Yoosung tore his eyes away from the man and tried to ignore him. Unsuccessfully, of course.

“Why aren’t you answering your phone?” he demanded as Yoosung climbed the stairs in front of the large doors.

“You know why.” Yoosung didn’t stop, pushing past the taller man and walking into his building. Saeran followed.

Yoosung could feel those amber eyes burning a hole in him as they rode up the elevator in silence. He was beginning to sweat. When they got to his door, Yoosung unlocked it and tried to shut it behind him, Saeran slammed his hand on it, holding it open.

“Saeran! I don’t want to do this! Just, just go!” Yoosung pleaded. The tears already burned behind his eyes and he hated that there was still so much emotion tied to this man.

“You can’t just change the rules! You were perfectly ok with our arrangement!” he stepped in and Yoosung backed up. The door boomed closed as Saeran shoved it behind him. There was something different in his eyes but Yoosung wasn’t sure what it was.

“Not anymore.”

“You can’t tell me you don’t like it. Like my cock in your ass, my tongue in your mouth. I know your body Yoosung.” He grabbed Yoosung and rammed his tongue savagely into his mouth. Yoosung tried to push him away, but his body was betraying him. His cock stiffened at the rough handling, his mind buzzing with contradictions.

“No!” he managed to disengage, stumbling back, hitting the bookshelf against the wall. “I never said the sex wasn’t good! It’s just not enough anymore!” Saeran looked like a cornered animal. He blinked rapidly, shame seemed to surface, then was swallowed by bravado.

Saeran ground his teeth, talk of emotions always made him bolt. Yoosung expected him to turn tail and run, instead, Saeran squared his shoulders and loomed over the younger man.

“You don’t say no!” he growled, his eyes blazing. He snatched a clump of Yoosung’s hair and dragged him forward. His mouth was on Yoosung’s neck, his other hand trying to unbutton his pants.

“Stop…stop…please…Saeran…STOP!” Yoosung screamed, pushing Saeran away. “Get out Saeran! Just get out! What the hell is wrong with you?! You’re no better than that asshole in the alley way. At least he was honest about fucking me over!” he screeched, all thoughts of holding back tossed aside. He shoved at the man repeatedly, his fists pounding Saeran’s chest. Saeran’s  eyes were now more confused than angry.

“What do you want from me?” he asked pathetically, not trying to defend himself from Yoosung’s onslaught. There was a pleading note to it, as if there was something else he meant to say but didn’t know how.

“Something you apparently can’t give. You don’t care about me Saeran. Not the way I want you to.” Yoosung stepped away from him, gathering deep breaths that painfully made their way down to his lungs.

“How…you…FUCK!” He ran his hand through his hair and Yoosung could see the strain the man was under. He hardened himself to it. Whatever Saeran was feeling, was nothing compared to what he’d done to Yoosung.

“Leave…I don’t want you here.” Yoosung whispered. Saeran stopped his pacing, his eyes large and sorrowful. Yoosung looked away, he wasn’t about to be taken in by those lying eyes. He heard shuffling from Saeran and assumed he was turning away, heading for the door. He closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing.

“Just answer one question for me Yoosung. Answer it honestly and I’ll walk out the door and never bother you again.”

“Saeran…!!!” Yoosung turned away, his mind and body weary beyond repair.

“Please, I need to know.”

After a few beats, Yoosung turned back around and was stunned at the anguish on Saeran’s face. He nodded slightly, this needed to end. He needed to be able to move on. To try and forget this man.

“What you said…did…did you mean it?”

“What are you talking about?” Yoosung asked resignedly.

“When you said you loved me…” the words were barely above a whisper, the tone faulty and unsure, his voice trembling with trepidation.

Yoosung’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What?” he asked, unsure he had heard correctly.

“Did you mean it? I mean, how could you have meant it? You don’t even know me! Not really, you’d be terrified if you knew what my life was like. You’d hate me. How could you love me? How could anyone? It’s impossible Yoosung! So tell me…tell me you lied! That it was a momentary lapse because of the passion you felt! Tell me anything because I know it can’t be the truth! I tried! I tried to be what you needed, tried to hold on, but I couldn't even do that right! This...this is all I know. Bullshit and violence. You deserve better, you always have. I don't know how to be the kind of man that deserves someone like you. You gave me all of yourself and I fucked it up! Tell me, tell me you didn't mean it!” he spat, the anger directed at himself, not Yoosung.

It tore at his heart, that certainty in the man’s voice that he didn’t deserve to be loved.

“Saeran…” he reached a hand out but Saeran reeled back hitting the door, his hand held up to stop Yoosung from getting too close. How ironic that their situations had suddenly turned.

“Just say it…and I can leave…” his grin was macabre, pain radiating from his eyes. One hand still held out towards Yoosung, the other gripping the door handle.

“I can’t, because it isn’t true. I did mean it Saeran. I will always love you, how can I not?”

“No! No no no! Because…because…if…I…NO!” spit flew from his mouth, his face furrowed in agony. “I don’t deserve to be loved! Not by you…I…but…I…want…I…don’t know how…” his outstretched hand suddenly seemed to beckon.

Yoosung shook his head, everything in him ached to reach out and take the man into his arms, to steady him, to comfort him, to save him from drowning. He took a step back. Saeran’s arm dropped in resignation. Yoosung turned away when he heard Saeran turn the knob on the door.

He waited, holding his breath, listening to the last sound he would ever hear from the man he’d given his heart to. Instead, there was too much silence, and then, he heard something hit the sofa by his side. His eyes flew open and he saw Saeran’s jacket tossed over the back. He whipped his gaze towards the red-head and his already huge eyes widened even more. Saeran was taking off his shirt. He suddenly forgot how to breathe, clutching at his chest and leaning against the sofa for support. The shirt was tossed on top of the jacket and Saeran stood before Yoosung, all of his scars laid bare, tears streaking down his own face, his lower lip trembling, his shoulders heaving.

“You deserve to know who you fell in love with. To know what kind of monster I really am. So you can remember me this way, and be thankful I am out of your life forever. I’m nothing but a pathetic piece of shit. I don’t care about anyone, or anything except my brother. Everyone else can go fuck themselves! I was a mistake! Nothing but a burden around my mother’s neck.” He snarled, teeth gnashing in a wicked grin.

“She did this to me.” Yoosung gasped. Out of all the scenarios he had imagined as to how Saeran had become so scarred, that had never entered his mind.

“Oh yes, see? Even my own mother knew I was bad, worthless, meaningless, a waste! And I’ve proven her right ever since. I’ve fucked men, done drugs, gotten drunk, all just to feel something! Anything! I’ve been an even bigger burden on my brother, causing him nothing but trouble and financial chaos! You’d all be better off without me. I knew you were smart. You deserve better, better than someone like me.” He stepped up to Yoosung, his tears falling off his chin. He ran his fingers lovingly across Yoosung’s cheek and placed a tender kiss just bellow his eye. “Goodbye Yoosung Kim.” He whispered.

Yoosung’s heart thumped, his head buzzing with contradictory emotion. He couldn’t think, he needed to think, he couldn’t…fucking…think…

Saeran turned and walked away. His scooped up his shirt and jacket and pulled on the door. Yoosung was suddenly on the move, he slammed the door shut and yanked Saeran around, shoving him against the door.

“You fuck! You fucking mother fucking fuck! You fucking damned shit fuck FUCKER!” he screamed into his face. “How dare you! How dare you come here and lay that shit on me! What! What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?! How! You!!! FUCK!” he pulled on his hair, the ends standing on their own as if he’d just rolled out of bed. Yoosung had never been so angry. Not like this, never like this. It was as if he was going to spontaneously combust. He wanted to punch Saeran in the face. He wanted to kick him in the groin. He wanted to kiss him and fuck him and kill him all at the same fucking time!

“I just…I should…” Saeran tried to leave again and Yoosung kicked the door shut.

“You’re not going anywhere! Sit the fuck down!” Yoosung hissed, his anger making his skin vibrate. Saeran gulped and began to lower himself to the floor.

“Not there you idiot! On the sofa!” Yoosung pointed, huffing, trying desperately to regain some control.

Saeran stood back up and practically scurried to the sofa, sitting on it delicately.

Yoosung paced back and forth behind the sofa, mumbling to himself, hitting his head occasionally, as if he was having an argument. Saeran tried to say something, to which Yoosung simply stated “Shut the fuck up!”. Saeran quickly complied.

After a few minutes, which seemed like hours, Yoosung stopped pacing and came around the sofa. He sat next to Searan, visibly less irritated. Saeran kept his gaze forward, his eyes blinking rapidly, his teeth gnawing on his lower lip. He pulled on the shirt still in his hands nervously.

“I hate you.” Yoosung said, not unkindly, just, matter of factly.

Saeran lowered his head and closed his eyes. Of course he did, he had every reason to.

“But I also love you.” He stated. Saeran swallowed but said nothing.

“Do you want a relationship with me Searan? A real one? Don’t fucking think about it, just answer me honestly, none of this bullshit about you not deserving anything, or me deserving better. Fuck that! Just, answer me honestly!”

Saeran’s mouth opened but nothing came out. Yoosung lay his hand over his and squeezed. Saeran stared at their hands and finally up at Yoosung.

“Yes.” He admitted.

“Ok then.” Yoosung sighed and sat up straight. His friends were going to tear him a new one, but they hadn’t seen Saeran. Seen how honest the man had finally been, about himself, about his life, about his thoughts. He was still not completely convinced, but, he wanted to try. He knew he was opening himself up for more pain and heartbreak. If it happened it happened, but what if it didn’t? What if…and that small grain of hope is what Yoosung clung to.

“There are going to have to be some changes if this is to work. Do you understand?”

“Yes, yes…of course…” Saeran nodded, a small smile returning to his face.

“And don’t think I’ve let you off the hook so easily! I don’t trust you Searan! You’re going to have to earn that.”

“I understand.” He clutched his hands together, his shoulders rounding as he closed in on himself.

“And there will be none of that!” Yoosung chastised. “No secrets, no hiding your emotions, no running away when things get difficult!”

Saeran stared up at Yoosung, dumbfounded.

Yoosung sighed and softened his voice. “I know you think I’m somehow fragile Saeran, but I’m not. It’s ok to share your burden with me. I want to know everything about you, the good, and the bad. The world is full of mistakes, but your birth wasn’t one of them.”

Saeran’s tears overflowed at those words and his body was instantly racked with sobs as he collapsed into Yoosung’s arms.


	10. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bring in the fluff!!!!!!!!!! Mostly =) No promises though. Ahh, these boys set my heart aflutter!

It was probably the worst time to start a strained relationship. Yoosung’s clinicals had begun and he was busier than he had been at University. He still had his classes on campus he needed to attend along with the clinicals. Add to that, trying to juggle a new boyfriend with a mountain of baggage and friends who detested him, it was enough to keep him stressed continuously.

He had to admit however, that Saeran was really stepping up in the boyfriend department. He tried to remind himself that it was probably something that would taper off after a while. He couldn’t possible keep it up. He felt guilty for not being able to spend more time with him, especially after he had berated Saeran for being such an ass. But it couldn’t be helped. There were not enough hours in the day, or night, to devote much attention to his shaky love life. His friends blamed Saeran for Yoosung not being able to hang out with them anymore, even though he had already warned them it would be that way when he began his clinicals. He was annoyed that they were being so intolerant.

He quickly walked towards the bus stop, the sun was already down, and he was exhausted. All he wanted to do was get home and fall into bed. Unfortunately, he still had a paper to write that he had been procrastinating on. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he fished it out. He flipped it open, not bothering to see who it was. He could use some distraction.

“Hello.”

“Yoosung! You still downtown?” Akira’s loud voice filtered through the small speaker. Yoosung pulled it away and squinted at the phone. He lowered the volume and pressed it back to his ear.

“Uh, yeah, just heading to the bus stop, why?”

“Perfect! Soonye and I are getting dessert just down the street from the clinic! Come join us!”

“Oh.” Yoosung stopped and looked around. The street was pretty empty, and he could just see the bus stop only a block and a half away. He assumed they were heading towards the ice cream shop a few blocks from the clinic in the opposite direction. “I…I don’t know Akira, I have to finish a paper and I’m really tired.”

“Come on! It feels like we haven’t seen you in forever! We’ll have some ice cream, catch up, and I can drive you home! I promise! You’ll probably get back to your place earlier than you would on the bus!”

Yoosung chuckled. He wasn’t wrong. He felt as if he was getting a second wind, it would be nice to spend a little time with his friends. “Ok, I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Great! See you soon!” Akira hung up without saying goodbye and Yoosung shook his head. He turned and backtracked towards the dessert shop. His phone began to buzz again as he neared the brightly lit shop. He pulled it out of his pocket and flipped it open.

“I’m here ok!” he laughed, assuming it was Akira again.

“What? Here? Where?” Saeran’s voice stopped him cold. Suddenly Yoosung felt guilty again.

“Saeran? Oh, I…I thought you were someone else.” He finished as he shuffled his feet back and forth. He stared into the shop and saw Akira and Soonye sitting at a table talking animatedly, Soonye throwing her head and laughing with abandon as she pushed on Akira.

“Oh, are…are you busy?” Saeran sounded nervous, it had taken some getting used to to hear that tone from the man. He had always sounded strong, in control, and even cocky.

“Well, kind of I guess.” Yoosung admitted.

“Ok, I’ll…call you later…”

“Wait! Don’t…don’t hang up yet.”

“I don’t want to interrupt what you’re doing. I just thought you would be on your way home and maybe I could keep you company while you were on the bus.”

“That…that’s so sweet…Ahh, Saeran. I was on my way to the bus stop, but Akira invited me to Kimi’s by the clinic for some ice cream, he’s going to give me a ride home afterwards.”

“That’s great! Well, I’ll let you go then, have fun!” Saeran hung up and Yoosung was left with a deafening dial tone.

“Fuck!” he hissed. He knew Saeran wouldn’t bring it up, wouldn’t blame him for this. But Yoosung felt like a complete asshole. His shoulders sagged, and he shuffled into the shop, more depressed and exhausted than ever.

“Woah, hey! What’s with the face?” Soonye reached out to him and rubbed his arm as he sat next to her.

“Nothing.” Yoosung said, not wanting to bring Saeran up immediately, but he couldn’t keep his emotions from being broadcast all over his face.

“What did he do?” Soonye hissed, her jaw clenching.

“Nothing! I told you! Saeran’s been great!” Yoosung defended Saeran vehemently.

“You can’t tell me this mood doesn’t have anything to do with that guy.” Akira interjected.

“Because of me! Not him! He didn’t do anything except try to do something nice for me and…I…pretty much rejected him.” Yoosung finished.

"I doubt that!" Soonye huffed, crossing her arms and sitting back in her chair.

"Soonye!" Yoosung began.

"I'm sorry Yoosung, but I don't trust that guy, no matter what you say! He's still just using you for sex..."

"Uhhghhh, I wish!" Yoosung pouted, slouching against his chair. Soonye and Akira exchanged a confused look.

"What does that mean?" Akira leaned over the table towards Yoousng.

Yoosung blushed and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, uh, Saeran wanted to hold off on that. 'Do things the right way'" he air quoted with a roll of his eyes.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Akira stated.

"No! I'm not! I've tried everything! I mean, it's not like we have much time for that anyway right now, but god! If only I could get..."

"Yoosung!" Akira bellowed and Yoosung stopped mid sentence to stare at his friend with furrowed eyebrows. Akira motioned behind him with his head, Soonye staring past his sholder as well. Yoosung turned around.

"Saeran?!" He gasped. Saeran stood just inside the door, his cheeks almost as bright as his hair. He was biting his lower lip and rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Yoosung stood and walked towards him.

"What? What are you doing here?" He grabbed the hand at his side and laced his fingers with Saeran's.

"I, uh, was going to surprise you at the bus stop and give you a ride home. I knew today you'd get out later than usual and the buses wouldn't be running as frequently, so...when you didn't show, I called."

"Oh...why didn't you say something?"

Saeran shrugged his shoulders, "I didn't want to intrude. But, then I thought, this is what boyfriends do right?  I know your friends don't like me, but, they're important to you, so I wanted to make an effort...uh...but..." He looked over his shoulder and his face blanched. "It looks like they hate me." He whispered. "For good reason! I know...maybe..." He made to turn away and Yoosung tightened his hold on Saeran's hand and pulled him towards him.

"No! I want you to stay! I love you and I want you here. If my friends can't accept you, or give you a chance, well..."

"I don't want to force it though. If they aren't ready..."

"It's been weeks, I think I've given them enough time!" He grinned and kissed Saeran on the cheek, inhaling the smell he'd come to associate with the man. A faint whiff of smoke, an earthy musk, and the sweet smell of candy.

"Are you sure?" He asked again, trepidation clear in his voice.

"Positive!" Yoosung grinned and turned towards his friends with Saeran in tow.

"Saeran, this is my best friend Soonye, and her boyfriend Akira."

"His other best friend!" Akira nodded towards Saeran, not rising or giving any other acknowledgment.

"You wish!" Soonye pushed at Akira.

"We should order, before they toss us out for taking up a table." Yoosung suggested. Saeran followed Yoosung quietly.

"Want to share a bannana split?" Yoosung asked. Saeran's eyes lit up and his smile was swift and beautiful.

"With mint chocolate chip, strawberry, and rocky road?" He rapidly asked.

Yoosung laughed and Saean's face fell somewhat.

"I mean, you can pick the flavors..."

Yoosung turned towards the girl behind the counter and asked for those exact flavors and added hot fudge, pineapple, and marshmallow with nuts. When he turned back towards Saeran he looked like a little boy who'd just been told they were going to the toy store and they could pick out anything they wanted. Yoosung laughed again and hugged him, laying his head against his shoulder with a satisfied sigh. Saeran kissed the top of his head and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tight.

He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and paid, not just for the banana spit, but for the ice cream Soonye and Akira had ordered as well. They gave him a glare, but graciously accepted the kindness. Yoosung knew that his friends couldn’t be bought, but he also knew that Saeran was trying to be nice the only way he knew how.

The time they spent together was strained, but Yoosung was glad they'd done it. Saeran and he were together, his friends would need to get used to it.

 

* * *

 

“Ahhhh….” Yoosung dropped his book bag on the floor and flopped onto the sofa. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes and head.

Saeran moved Yoosung’s feet, sitting down and placing them on his lap. He took Yoosung’s shoes off and they clunked to the floor. He pulled off his puppy socks and began rubbing his feet. Yoosung’s sigh was now full of satisfaction.

“Long day?” Saeran asked.

“Every day is a long day now.” Yoosung complained. Even his weekends were no longer free, as he had to work several hours at the clinic. He was enjoying his time there, however, he couldn’t wait for this term to be over. He was seriously thinking of taking a term off afterwards. Although he knew, he would never go through with that. He couldn’t afford it.

He focused his attention on Saeran. Saeran kept his gaze on what he was doing, his head tilted to the side, his neck a tempting target for Yoosung’s mouth. Yoosung licked his lips, his fingers itching to delve into that windblown mass of red curls.

He lunged at Saeran, straddling him, his hands in the curls, digging into it forcefully, his crotch grinding against Saeran’s. He shoved his tongue into Saeran’s mouth and groaned in a different kind of satisfaction. He felt Saeran’s own hands slide up his thighs and along his spine. There was some hesitation in that touch, but Yoosung’s body held none.

He placed his palm against Saeran’s chest, his other hand running the thumb along Saeran’s jawline. Their kiss was deep and hungry, Saeran sucking on Yoosung’s tongue almost painfully. Yoosung took that as a good sign and ran his hand down Saeran’s chest, pulling up the hem of his shirt and sliding his hand along the scarred skin of his belly, his nails scraping the surface.

“Yoosung…” Saeran groaned.

“Hmm??” Yoosung hummed into Saeran’s mouth, capturing his lips again, trying to keep him quiet. His hand scuttled upwards, reaching Saeran’s nipple and running his thumb over the hardened nub.

“Hahh…Yoo…sung…I know what you’re doing…” Saeran sighed heavily, his lips still kissing Yoosung, talking around their tongues.

“Hmm??” Yoosung repeated, not stopping his advances. Saeran pulled away and pressed his hands against Yoosung’s shoulders.

“Yoosung…” he looked into Yoosung’s amethyst eyes, determination etched into the gaze. Yoosung sat back, sliding his hand out of Saeran’s shirt and pouted.

“Please?” he begged, giving Saeran his best puppy eyes and biting his lower lip in what he thought was seductively. Saeran sighed and looked away. His hands rubbed Yoosung’s arms gently.

“I know you think it’s stupid. After all, it isn’t like we haven’t already been doing it. It’s just, for me, sex was something I used so that I wouldn’t get close to anyone. I know it means the opposite for you. I understand that, but, I used it as something to hide behind for so long, I want to get to know you without that aspect. See who we are together. God, that sounds so stupid. I, I don’t know how to explain what I mean…” he was beginning to sound frustrated, tears welling in his eyes.

Yoosung’s shoulders sagged and he cupped Saeran’s face, turning him to be able to look him in the eyes.

“I know it’s important to you. I’ll…try to be patient.” He grinned sadly.

“It won’t be forever, I promise.”

“I just miss you.” Yoosung shrugged.

“I miss you too, trust me! If you knew how often I…uh…I mean…” Saeran’s cheeks reddened and Yoosung laughed, understanding all too well. He lay his head against Saeran’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around them. Saeran wrapped his own arms around Yoosung’s waist and kissed the top of his head.

“I guess I’ll work on my paper then.” Yoosung grumbled.

“Good idea. I should probably go.”

“No!” Yoosung pulled away and pressed Saeran against the sofa. “Don’t go!”

“Ok, I’ll stay for a bit, maybe I can help you.” Saeran swiped Yoosung’s bangs out of his eyes and tucked it behind his ear.

“Uh…” Yoosung stuttered, fiddling with the hem of Saeran’s shirt, still straddling him.

“What is it?” Saeran asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“I was just wondering. If. Maybe. I don’t know. You could. Maybe. Stay the night?” he finished in a flash, eyebrows climbing high on his forehead, an expectant look on his face.

“Yoosung…we just…”

“No! Not for that. I just think it would be nice to sleep in your arms.” He shrugged and looked away. God, he sounded like such a baby, begging to crawl into mom and dad’s bed.

“I…I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” Saeran began.

“I promise I’ll behave! I just want to wake up next to you.” He tried to put as much sincerity into his words as he possibly could, praying that Saeran would say yes. He meant what he said. It wasn’t an excuse to get Saeran into bed. He truly wanted to fall asleep in Saeran’s arms without fear that it could lead to more pain and suffering.

“Ok. If you really want me to.” Saeran answered, his voice so low, Yoosung had to strain to hear. He squeeled and hugged Saeran painfully. Saeran chuckled then pushed Yoosung off his lap.

“But only if you finish that paper!”

Yoosung’s face fell and he groaned, rolling his eyes. He picked up his book bag and pulled his laptop out, setting it on the small kitchen table.

“I’ll make some coffee.” Saeran offered. It was going to be a long night. But Yoosung felt like he’d won a small victory.

There was a reason Saeran detested falling asleep with anyone. It was something he and his brother shared. The only time in Saeran’s childhood when he had been able to sleep relatively peacefully was when he and his brother were able to wrap their arms and legs around each other. Most nights their mother made that impossible and he was unable to sleep for fear that she would wake him and beat him for no other reason than she felt like it. If they were able to spend the night on the same bed, it meant their mother was passed out and would not wake at all. Saeyoung would always wake early enough to move back to his own bed before their mother woke. Sleeping with someone had become something too intimate for Saeran to be comfortable doing with anyone, even with those he had sex with. In fact, especially with those he had sex with.

If he was able to stay the entire night, willingly, it would most certainly be a victory for Yoosung. And for their relationship.

He booted up the laptop and watched Saeran, who navigated his small kitchen expertly. There was still a small amount of fear that wrapped itself around Yoosung. It tried to rear its ugly head, but he pushed it down and locked it away. He would deal with that if Saeran ever gave him a reason to. For now, he would trust in the man as much as he could. Saeran turned and gave him a stunning smile. Yoosung’s breath stuck in his throat and he grinned like an idiot. Oh yes, he was in love. He could place his head on his hands, elbows on the table and just watch this man do such a mundane thing as make coffee with perfect satisfaction. He shook his head and focused on the screen in front of him. He knew Saeran was true to his word. If Yoosung didn’t finish this damned paper, he wouldn’t stay the night. He opened the Word document and began to type. It was going to be bullshit, but it would be the best worded bullshit he had ever written.


	11. Heaviness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter

Sunshine always made Yoosung happy. Today however, it didn’t help. He made his way hesitantly up the walkway. The structure was a little intimidating. It looked like a prison. There were bars on the window and the walls were made from shiny material. The panels were so tightly fitted the lines were practically invisible. There were several security cameras and Yoosung felt extremely exposed as they followed whereever he went. He reached out to press the button beside the heavy door. He couldn’t escape the feeling that he was about to enter an LOLOL fortress.

Maybe that’s how the brothers had gotten the idea to build such a structure. Saeran had introduced him to LOLOL one night when Yoosung had been particularly testy and horny. Saeran had downloaded the game to Yoosung’s computer and shown him how to build a character. Yoosung thought it was childish and ridiculous, but soon enough he was embroiled in the game so much that when his avatar died, he almost threw his laptop in frustration. It was a good thing Saeran had been there to pry it from his hands.

His work load hadn’t really lessoned, but playing the game was a good outlet, since Saeran wasn’t cooperating as stress relief.

“Step back.” a female robotic voice descended from hidden speakers above him. He fell back, stunned.

“Begin the incantation.” It stated.

“Wha…what?” Yoosung mumbled, unsure what was happening.

“You have thirty seconds to complete the incantation. If you do not comply, you will suffer the consequences. Countdown will begin now. 30.”

“Wait! I I don’t know what…what…what incantation?” he bellowed into the security camera.

“27…26…25…”

“Stop! Saeran!” Yoosung began banging on the door, the deep hollow thud made barely a sound.

“Step away from the door.” The voice ordered. Yoosung took another long step back. “19…18…”

Yoosung was having a panic attack, his head swiveling from the door to the camera to the smooth panels. Was there a clue somewhere? Were there words he was missing? He squinted and ran a hand along the walls, trying to find something, anything.

“12…10…9…”

“Please! Whoever you are! I don’t know what you want!” he could barely breath now. What was going to happn to him? Even if he knew what the security system needed, he was sure it was too late to complete whatever incantation it was waiting for.

“…5…4…3…” he backed away, intending to run, but he tripped over his own feet and went sprawling onto the concrete walkway. He scraped his elbows but paid it no mind as he scooted backwards on his ass.

“…1” Yoosung stopped, his lungs unwilling to work. He stared at the door and the surrounding silence. His eyes were wide and terryified.

“Failure to comply. Good-bye.”

“No!” Yoosung held out his hands as a loud bang assaulted his ears and a bright light did the same to his eyes. He was momentarily deaf and blind. Something rained down on him and he screamed, trying in vain to wipe it off. Something grabbed a hold of him and he screamed again, trying to get away.

“Yoosung!” the voice was muffled and far away. Yoosung blinked, tyring to restore his eye sight.

“Yoosung!” it was clearer again, and he could just make out the outline of a face close to his. “I’m gonna’ kill that idiot! I told him to turn off the fucking security!”

“Wh…Sae…Saeran?” Yoosung’s eyesight cleared and his ears were no longer ringing. Saeran looked pissed. Was he mad because he hadn’t been able to figure out the incantation?

He ran his eyes over the area he was crouched in, littered all around and over him was multicolored confetti.

“Confetti?” he gasped. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or angry. All of that nonsense for confetti?

“Yes. My idiot brother’s idea of funny!” Saeran helped Yoosung up and tried to get the confetti off him. It was no use, Yoosung looked like a broken piñata. His hair was in disarray, his clothes scuffed up, his eyes large and confused. Saeran smiled at him. “Are you ok?” he asked, his voice softer, gentler.

Yoosung nodded, not ready to try and talk. He was more embarrassed than anything. He must look an absolute mess.

“Oh. The ice cream!” he looked around for the bag he’d been holding.

“Here, it’s fine, the carton’s just a little smushed. I told you you didn’t have to bring anything.” Saeran said, picking up the bag.

“I didn’t want to show up empty handed.” Why were they acting like all of this was normal?

“What, was, that?” Yoosung asked, keeping a wary eye on the area he assumed the confetti had been blown from.

“Come inside, I’ll introduce you to the cause!”

“The cause?” Yoosung asked, hesitatantly letting Saeran lead him towards the now open door.

“The cause of most of my headaches! My brother!” They stepped into the house.

“Boo!” the robotic female voice burst out. Yoosung yelped and knocked onto the entryway table, almost knocking over an empty vase.

Saeran turned and punched the door, “Not funny! Apologize!” Yoosung stared at Saeran, sure they had both lost their minds. “Now!” He stared into a camera located over the door on the inside. It shuffled from Saeran to Yoosung, then back.

“I mean it! Or we’re leaving!” Saeran threatened.

The camera focused on Yoosung again, “I’m sorry I scared you.” The voice was different, it sounded eerily like Saeran’s, perhaps a little deeper.

Saeran’s scowl smoothed out and he took Yoosung’s hand. “Close the door and get your ass out here.” He grumbled. Yoosung was even more confused, but he meekly followed Saeran. The hallway was longer than a normal entryway, but at least the inside was more like a regular home than a prison.

When Saeran had invited him to meet his brother Yoosung had been excited. Saeran had warned him that Saeyoung was a bit excentric, but he had not been ready for this. They passed a spacious living room that appeared roomy and homey. A large television was attached to the wall above a pleasant fireplace. Yoosung spotted several game consoles and controllers scattered around the hearth and coffee table, along with cans of PhD Pepper and rumpled bags of Honey Buddha Chips.

“Are those…” he didn’t finish asking, as Saeran kept tugging him along. They walked along another hallway, passing a kitchen and several closed doors. Yoosung was beginning to wonder how big this place actually was. They turned a corner and came face to face with a staircase. Instead of going up, they went down. Yoosung thought they were going underground, but, there was suddenly sunlight. A lot of it. A room opened up with the outer wall made up of windows and glass French doors. The view was incredible. The back yard was huge, the grass green and lush. There was a swimming pool with a small waterfall at the back end. The patio was open, the furniture looked comfortable and there was a counter made out of stones with a refrigerator, a stove and a built-in grill.

“Wow!” he breathed. Beyond the yard were immense trees and underbrush so dense there was no sunlight to be seen.

“I’m glad you like it.” Someone said off to his left. There was an open door, with several banks of monitors and computers, lights flashing and lots of bleeps and bloops. His eyes fell on the man standing in front of it. He wore jeans, a red shirt, and a black and orange sweatshirt. If he didn’t know Saeran’s body as well as he did, he would swear it was him. The only easy difference in appearance, was the fact that this man wore horn-rimmed glasses. Twins, had Saeran told him they were twins?

Saeran let go of Yoosung and thundered towards his brother. He dropped the bag of ice cream and grabbed fistfuls of hoodie and shirt, pushing his brother back, his fists pressing against his chest.

“You son of a bitch!”

“Saeran! Come on! I was just having some fun!”

“It wasn’t funny to Yoosung!”

Saeyoung glanced towards Yoosung, blinking guiltily and shrugging in apology.

“He looks fine.”

“Saeran, it’s OK, I’m fine. It was…it was kinda funny…heh…” Yoosung pulled Saeran from his brother and Saeyoung gave him a grateful nod.

“You’re lucky Yoosung is so nice.”

“It’s nice to meet you Yoosung, finally. Uh, sorry again.” He dusted some confetti from his hair and Yoosung chuckled.

“Is that how you introduce yourself to everyone?”

The twins exchanged an odd look.

“What?”

“Uh, I don’t really meet many people. I spend most of my time in there.” He motioned to the room behind him.

“Oh.”

“But…I looked up YouTube videos and learned how to grill! Come on, I’ll show you!” They followed the excited man into the back yard. Saeran scooped up the ice cream and pushed it into the freezer. Saeyung opened the grill and there were hot coals, ready for some meat.

“It’s dual! You can use charcoal or wood. Or, you can use propane, but, most of the videos said charcoal or wood left the best flavor in the meat.”

“He tends to go a little overboard.” Saeran stated, falling onto one of the padded chairs.

“I’m just very thorough!”

Yoosung laughed and Saeyoung gave him a brilliant smile.

………..

“God! I’m so full! I shouldn’t have had that second burger!” Yoosung groaned, falling on Saeran’s bed.

“I told you!” Saeran grinned, as he leaned against his dresser. Lunch had been interesting with Searan’s brother, who was extremely adept at not answering a question straight forward. He’d been called back to work so Saeran had taken him on a tour of their home. Yoosung was impressed. It was huge, but functional. Saeran’s room was almost as big as Yoosung’s entire apartment.

He closed his eyes, Saeran’s bed was soft and comfortable. The pillow smelled like him and Yoosung inhaled deeply with a small wistful smile on his face. Saeran watched the blonde as he raised his arms and stretched. His t-shirt lifted from his waist and he could see his stomach and belly button. His eyes roamed over his chest and lingered on his lips, then his eyes. Yoosung opened his amethyst gems and gave Saeran a soft satisfied smile.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, recognizing the wheels turning in Saeran’s head.

Saeran shrugged, looking away. Yoosung grunted off the bed, and placed his arms around the red-head. “Tell me.” He insisted.

Saeran met his gaze.

“I’ve never brought anybody home. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about it.”

“And?”

“I wish I’d done it sooner.” He grinned.

“Really?” Yoosung blushed. Saeran swiped a few strands of hair from Yoosung’s forehead and tucked it behind his ear. His brown roots were clear now and he showed no signs of wanting to dye it again. His fingers lingered on Yoosung’s cheeks, his thumb running across his jaw.

“Yoosung…” Saeran’s voice was barely audible. He pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. “Say it…” he whispered.

“I love you Saeran.” Saeran shook his head negatively, his eyes squeezed shut in disbelief.

“Why?” he croaked and Yoosung could see tears in the corners of his eyes.

“What does it matter?” he countered.

“It matters!” Saeran huffed.

“Why? What answer could I give you that you would accept? What words would convince you? What does it matter why I love you? Neither one of us is perfect Saeran, I don’t ever expect you to be perfect. Or expect that you will never make a mistake. You’ll hurt me again, and I’ll hurt you. But we’ll forgive each other and we’re strong enough to get through anything. You need to stop being so afraid of making a single mistake. I’m not some fragile, delicate thing. I won’t break. You don’t always have to acquiesce to what I want. I want you to be who you are! That’s the person I fell in love with.”

“But I hurt you! How…? How can you…be…I…” Yoosung planted his lips on Saeran’s

“Enough!” Yoosung pushed away from Saeran. “God! You are so frustrating! I love you! Ok?!” he paced back and forth, his hand clutching at his hair in frustration. “I’m tired of this! Every few days it’s the same thing…’why, why do you love me’…well, I just do!”

Saeran grabbed Yoosung’s arm and embraced him, effectively cutting off his tirade. He cupped his face in his hands and kissed him passionately. Yoosung melted into him, his body melding seamlessly against the red-head.

When they came up for air Saeran gazed into Yoosung’s eyes, something different in them. Something Yoosung had never seen before.

“I…I…I love you Yoosung.” He breathed, his chest heaving with the effort. Yoosung’s eyes widened, his heart beating right through his chest. The words sounded sincere, not forced at all, and Yoosung thought he would never hear anything more beautiful.

“I love you.” He said again. “I love you I love you I love you.” He huffed in a short burst, kissing Yoosung after each utterance, as he walked him backwards. Yoosung hit the bed and fell backwards, Saeran on top of him.

He giggled as his arms snaked around Saeran’s waist.

“I love you.” He whispered, amber eyes gazing into amethyst ones.

His lips met Yoosung’s and kissed him deeply, his hand in Yoosung’s hair, the other on his hip. He dug his fingers into the flesh and Yoosung mewled into his mouth.

“Ss…Sae…ahh…” Yoosung arched his back into the man and wrapped his legs around his hips. Saeran’s mouth was making its way down Yoosung’s jaw, to the crook of his neck where he took a long, deep bite.

“Hahhh, hnnnghhh…” Yoosung ground against Saeran and grabbed his ass, pressing himself against him.

Saeran lifted himself off of Yoosung, leaning against his forearms. Yoosung felt his lips swollen with their passion.

“I want to make love to you.” His lips hoovered over Yoosung’s. Yoosung’s eyes crinkled as he brought his hands to cup Saeran’s face.

“Well it’s about time.” He grinned and Saeran answered it with his own.

“I’ve never made love to anyone.” Saeran said emotionally.

“Neither have I.” Yoosung countered honestly. What he and Saeran had before, was never about love. He suddenly understood why Saeran had been so adamant about waiting. They were about to make love, and he suddenly felt the heaviness of the moment descend on him.

They moved slowly, lingering on passionate kisses, bodies undulating against each other sensually. Yoosung was eager to feel Saeran’s skin against his for the first time like this. He ran his fingers beneath Saeran’s shirt and across every scar. Saeran hummed against his lips driving his tongue deep into Yoosung’s mouth. Yoosung grabbed onto it and sucked as his fingers danced on the landscape of Saeran’s body.

Saeran sat up and pulled his shirt off, Yoosung’s hands still on him as if they were magnets. Yoosung’s lips were swollen, his tongue darting in and out, his eyes glazed with desire. Saeran fell on him once more and pushed his shirt up. Yoosung arched his back and lifted his arms so it could be easily slipped off. Saeran’s lips kissed along his jawline, down his neck, and across his collarbone. He gave him gentle nips, but nothing like the roughness Yoosung had gotten used to during their sexual marathons. The gentleness made something bloom inside him at his very core. Tears sprang to his eyes as the tide of emotion washed over him.

He delved his hands into Saeran’s hair, his fingers tangling into the soft curls as he made his way down Yoosung’s chest. Saeran licked Yoosung’s nipple then sucked on it making satisfied noises and kneading his flesh. Yoosung arched against him and hummed deeply. Saeran continued down his abdomen, flicking his tongue into his bellybutton eliciting a sharp gasp from Yoosung. He unbuttoned Yoosung’s pants and helped him shimmy out of them, then pulled down his underwear. Opening his legs and settling between them, Saeran lowered himself once more, he kissed his inner thighs, gently massaging the sensitive skin. He made his way, with a trail of kisses, to nose against Yoosung’s balls. He opened his mouth and sucked one in, sucking on the egg-shaped organ. Yoosung bucked against him, heaving, his chest tightening, his groin vibrating. Saeran let the ball plop out of his mouth and ran his mouth along Yoosung’s shaft. He grasped the base, flicked the tip, and lowered his mouth onto Yoosung’s cock. He hummed satisfactorily as he bobbed, rotating his grasp. Yoosung clutched at the pillow under his head, his back arched at the agonizingly slow way Saeran was devouring him. He tossed his head, his drool puddling beneath him.

Saeran sucked harder, his head began to bob faster, his teeth dragging along the shaft and flicking the rim. The hand around Yoosung’s base matching his rhythm. The blood in his cock began to rush as he got closer to cumming. He bucked against Saeran, his legs vibrating with effort until his hot stream shot down Saeran’s throat. His body fell back onto the bed, his arms and legs flopping to the side, his chest heaving with the aftermath of the best climax he’d had.

“Mmmm…” Saeran let Yoosung drop from his mouth and lazily climbed back up his body, finding Yoosung’s lips once more and sharing more kisses filled with passion and love. Yoosung responded, finding enough strength to slither his arms around Saeran’s shoulders as his legs tangled around Saeran’s. He could feel Saeran’s erection between them. He wanted to live in this moment, to linger on this kiss, to revel in this bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for going on this ride with me guys. I still think this is one of my best fics. I'd keep going, but, this is the end. I should really work on my other ongoing fics! haha... Let me know what you think, or maybe what you'd like to see next!


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